AC (After Cancer) Me

By Meagan Miraldi

A self-portrait by Meagan

 I meet her here,

this unfamiliar version of myself, at the point of no return

“She is so many things I am not,”

I think to myself, and yet here she is, in front of me,

moving forward into the unknown with her head held high.

There are moments where I do not want to go with her,

I dig my feet into the ground and refuse to take her hand,

desperate to stay where I am.

I did not choose to go with her, and yet as life goes,

sometimes we do not get to choose our path.

I must take her hand and follow her wherever she takes me,

trusting that she knows the way,

and that all will be okay.

There are moments where I feel we are one,

morphed together, however fleeting.

There are moments where I feel like a limp body being dragged along behind her, admitting defeat out of sheer exhaustion.

There are moments when I try to escape her grip,

thinking I can sneak away without her noticing and make it back to the life I know and miss dearly, unscathed, and when I do, she gently guides me back, holds me in her arms, and reassured me that although it doesn’t feel like it, I am safe with her.

As time passes, it becomes more and more clear that the only choice I have is to follow her lead and trust.

Trust that she knows the way,

trust that I am safe,

and trust that one day I will be able to accept,

without question,

that this strong, fearless being standing in front of me,

is in fact ME.

Thank you for sharing your powerful piece with us, Meagan!

Connect with Meagan on Instagram: @meggssbenedict & @breastcancermentalhealth

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