Diagnosed at 48
How could this happen to me?
I am a personal trainer, I try my best to eat healthy foods, I eat lots of fruits and vegetables, no fast food, I don’t drink (besides an occasional sip of my husbands red wine), don’t smoke, workout 6 days a week etc… I was devastated. The thought of the surgeries and putting poison into my body made me want to run away forever.
Where to begin...
The long story short is I had a routine mammogram January 2017. Months later after many more images and tests, two surgeries (one for breast removal and one for complete reconstruction) I found myself facing my greatest fear:
Not only would I have to complete 12 weeks of chemo but because I am triple positive, I would need a year of immunotherapy every three weeks before the treatment year will be done. I’m thankful my tumors were small and my lymph nodes were clear but I had a long year ahead.
I had to accept this and move on.
I had many sleepless nights.
I cried many tears.
I knew I had to do this for my family and friends.
I really didn’t want to.
How could I make this all go away? I couldn’t.
So I took action! I kept working out six days a week. Some days this meant only walking or very light weights.
I kept moving and I believe this helped me recover very quickly from my surgeries and chemo.
Believe me, I had days where all I could do was sit on the couch because the nausea was so extreme.
I cried because I felt everyone else was living their lives and I was only watching but not living at all, I was only barely existing.
The day I shaved my head was difficult. But the day I lost my eyelashes and eyebrows I went into an extreme depression.
I no longer looked or felt like me. I couldn’t even recognize the person in the mirror. She was so unrecognizable and literally stayed indoors for weeks.
While going through treatment I went every three weeks for herceptin & finished in July of 2018. My hair is slowly growing back.
It was very uncomfortable to wear a wig so I try and not stay out for too long.
I was working very part-time but had to put most of my life on hold. I don’t know if I will ever feel like my old self again.
Sometimes I forget but then I see myself in the mirror and it all comes back.
My body will never really look the same but that’s ok.
I have a strong faith in God and I know He will guide me through whatever happens.
I can’t wait for the day when this is all over, when I have hair again and then I will feel truly like I can put this behind me...
Except for the fact that a reoccurrence will always be in the back of my mind.
Where am I now?
It’s been over a year since I completed chemo and 6 months since I completed Herceptin.
I’m feeling better every day!
I’m slowly getting stronger and even a little less tired! There is hope & life does go on!! My hair came back and I'm ready to celebrate life!