Is There Such A Thing As Toxic Positivity?

The short answer is yes.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

The Psychology Group defines toxic positivity as “the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.” (See their Toxic Positivity table below and feel free to share it).

Although we at survivingbreastcancer.org strongly believe in the power of positivity, we do recognize that positivity can have negative effects when used to mask or silence natural human experiences. By denying the existence of critical thoughts, feelings, and emotions, you may set yourself up to fall into a negative state of repression, which can be a tipping point leading towards depression.

Humans are flawed and subject to negative emotions. We suffer the ignominy of jealousy, anger, resentment, worthlessness, inadequacy, and greed. Everyone must accept that life can be overwhelming, painful, and insufficient. Let’s not pretend that life is composed exclusively of positive experiences and emotions.

Why Is Toxic Positivity Harmful?

Toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an extreme by only putting optimism on a pedestal, denying authentic human emotion. It can become a form of shaming, as it sends a signal that our feelings are wrong. It can also cause guilt that somehow we are "broken" and need to "fix" how we are feeling.

Subtle signs of true emotional states can appear when friends, family, and colleagues expect you to "get over" something, brush off problems, and leave your personal matters at the door. People can expect you to put on a smile and muscle through.

Are You Suffering From Toxic Positivity?

There are many telltale signs that one is approaching Toxic Positivity, including:

• Feeling guilty for your emotional state

• Shaming others for their positivity

• Denying how you are truly feeling

• Minimizing the experience

• Hiding behind the veil of perspective

How to Overcome Toxic Positivity

There are workarounds to escape Toxic Positivity. Trust that your emotions play a critical role in your life and or recovery. Accepting difficult emotions serves as a coping mechanism, decreasing the intensity of those feelings. Recognize acceptance when you talk about how hard your day was, or how you are having difficulty with your medical treatment, with your caregiver, partner, parent, friends, or family. It’s important to relieve yourself, to get things off your chest, especially negative emotions. It’s like lifting a weight from your shoulders, even if it’s more difficult than pretending everything is fine.

Emotions are not all positive or all negative. Instead, think of them as guardrails; they help us make sense of life and respond accordingly to its ebbs and flows. If you’re sad about leaving your primary care team, it probably means that experience was meaningful, successful, and reassuring. If you feel anxiety about entering the post active treatment stage, it probably means you are concerned about recurrence and or how you are perceived by others.

Feelings are not only a way for our mind to clue us into what’s happening; they also help communicate information to those around us. If we are sad, it may attract comfort. If we convey guilt, it helps the call for forgiveness.

While it may be beneficial to try to look on the bright side of things and find the silver lining in life’s myriad experiences, it’s important to also acknowledge and listen to our emotions when they aren’t as pleasant. No one can be a ray of sunshine all the time; as humans, we just don’t work that way. In fact, paying attention and processing your emotions as they come and go may help you better understand yourself, and enable those around you to help you even more.