By Jill Rackham
Life changed more than I imagined it ever would on this day.
When I heard the word 'cancer,' I couldn't focus and didn't know what to say.
My mind went blank, my body became tense and my heart almost boomed out of my chest.
I looked at the nurse and consultant, as I tried to listen to what would happen next.
My precious husband was lost for words I was thankful he was with me.
I knew I was lucky as in covid times this wasn't always allowed to be.
Walking out of the hospital I had a million things rushing through my mind.
I knew from this moment though, that I was leaving my old life behind.
Cancer, getting through the surgery and treatment would be my main focus now.
I just wanted to close my eyes, be somewhere else, do anything to not let this happen some how.
Telling my children was the hardest conversation I've ever had.
As a mum their pain is your pain, it all felt so very sad.
Letting my mum and sisters know this news had to happen too.
My body was shaking as this was something I longed not to have to do.
I began to tell more family and closest friends of the turmoil my life had become.
The support I received was overwhelmingly kind and certainly helped me feel a little less numb.
Sleep became scarce and nights felt so lonely from this moment on.
My mind was such a jumble, flashbacks of this news is still something I can still always rely on.
But time has moved on as surgery is now behind me, with hormone treatment continuing.
Cancer is never far from my thoughts, but I'm learning how to stop these thoughts from spiraling.
I'm not sure I'll ever forget my cancer diagnosis day,
I get shivers down my spine every time that date passes my way.
As time goes on hopefully this day will no longer be such a strong memory.
And instead my focus now is having happy times with my friends and family.
--
Connect with Jill and read more of her poetry on Instagram: @poems_to_help_you_through