No Pink Here: What October Really Feels Like for Breast Cancer Survivors
- Surviving Breast Cancer
- 11 minutes ago
- 6 min read
By Sara Corckran
When my mom asked if I was going to write something for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I said, “No way, that’s not really me.” But clarity came with time. And... here we are.
Staying true to me, I decided to tell the truth about what October really feels like... as a breast cancer survivor. Pink ribbons, sweaters, and hats. Pink signs, banners, and coffee cups. It’s everywhere.
Here’s the thing... for survivors, October... sucks, at least for some of us.
Whether you’ve been diagnosed or you’re supporting a loved one with breast cancer, this is for you. I’ll share what I wish someone had said to me, how to show up, and the gifts that actually help.
The Ick of October
Everywhere I look is a reminder. The closer I am to treatment, the worse the gut punch. Even getting in the car to run an errand can feel like entering a battlefield of pink. And that color... I just can’t.
God forbid I turn on the radio or the television, only to hear the latest version of pink-washing products and treatment options being advertised. As a breast cancer survivor, October doesn’t feel like awareness... it feels like overload.
Honestly, I’d be in full support of making October about prevention. Let’s dedicate the month to mammograms and breast self-exams. Remind people to check – not just in October, but every month. I am in for that.
Breast Cancer Awareness Fatigue Is Real
We don’t need more reminders... survivors live with it every day. Awareness month can feel like a spotlight we didn’t ask for.
Yes, some survivors are celebrating. And I am happy for them – there is so much to celebrate. If that is you, then by all means celebrate! Get out the maracas and the champagne. Take a trip down memory lane and savor how far you have come, how much you are loved, how strong you are, and how much you have changed.
But if you are still processing your trauma, managing your fear, and quietly dealing with the long-term effects, that is okay, too. You don’t have to like October just because you are a survivor.
Why I Don’t Like October
We physically feel our thoughts. So when the town is painted in pink ribbons, it feels like it’s painted in a shade of challenging memories – and sometimes shades of future fears.
For those of us working hard to stay present and to live in the moment, these constant reminders can yank us back into the past... or send us spiraling into worry about the future. Who wants that?
I’m a few years out, and I’ve been working hard on my fears. I’ve made progress. But give me a doctor’s appointment... and watch out. About 36 hours beforehand, the fear starts. It’s like lotion I can’t wipe off. It spreads everywhere. My thoughts go down the fear path. I get irritable. It takes real bravery just to walk through the door, let alone sit on the paper and say my full name and birthdate.
Ouch, ouch, ouch.
That is how October felt to me my first year out.
How to Show Up for a Breast Cancer Survivor
If you’re supporting someone with breast cancer, buckle up... because here comes the honesty. At least my honesty.
As a breast cancer survivor, I’d prefer if you don’t ask me how I’m feeling. Just don’t. If you just can’t stop yourself – before you say anything, ask yourself this question: Is your curiosity meant to help, or is it to help you feel better?
Consider trying this instead:
“You have been on my mind. Hope you are doing well.”
“So nice to see you... what have you been up to?”
“No need to reply, but I just wanted to reach out and let you know I’m thinking of you.”
Have the Urge to Help?
You may be tempted to reach out with something like: “Hey, I wanted to see if there is anything I can do for you.” Although your intentions are in the right place, you are putting the work on the person you are trying to help.
Try this instead:
“Hey, I’m making soup, can I drop some off for you?”
“Hey, I’m going to the store, what can I pick up for you?”
“Hey, I’m going to walk my dog, can I grab yours?”
These offers feel good to receive. Here’s why: The person you are helping does not feel like a victim, like they need to ask for your help. You are making an offer that they can easily accept or turn down without feeling like you have gone out of your way.
What Not to Give
Let’s talk about a few things to skip, even if they seem thoughtful at first.
Sometimes the best gift is one that doesn’t remind us of cancer at all. It’s important to understand a loved one’s preferences about the color pink or phrases that are associated with breast cancer.
Here are some things that may not be as helpful as you think:
Pink trinkets
Slogans like “Fight like a girl” or “You’ve got this”
Items that say “Survivor” or “Warrior”
Of course, it all depends on their personal preference. If you’re not sure, try something that has nothing to do with breast cancer. Keep reading for ideas!
What To Give
For Self-Care
A fiction book you loved
A playlist
Anything that you love: face lotion, your favorite tea, just your favorite something
Electrolytes
Massage
Gift cards for takeout or groceries
Soft wrap or cardigan
Cute pajamas
Thank you cards
Hand lotion
Chapstick
Journal
Awesome mug
Puzzles
Question cards
Blanket
Tea
Comfy socks
Sleep mask
Coloring books
Hand sanitizer
For Queasiness
Mints
Gum
Homemade bone broth
A great cookbook
For Hair Loss
A good baseball hat (try a color other than pink!)
Headbands
Silk hair ties
Silk pillowcase
For Long Chemo Days
Small tote bag
Cooler or ice packs
Travel snack containers
Travel tea container
Fun water bottle
Small thermos
“Open When…” Gifts
Wrap up small gifts and include notes like:
Open in October
Open after Thanksgiving
Open week 4 of treatment
These are special because they stretch support across time. They say: “I’m here with you for the long haul,” not just for one moment.
We All Have the Urge to Help or Fix
As much as we might want to, a loved one’s cancer just can’t be fixed. What is supportive is showing up in whatever way feels natural to you. Maybe it’s phone calls, notes, regular visits, or walks. Not a one-time gift, but steady check-ins over time.
Try to hold onto the “you can’t fix this, but you can help” mindset when you’re together. Your presence isn’t about solving anything – it’s about passing time and offering connection, distraction, and company.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your own life: your worries, your messiness. People often stay quiet because they think their problems are small in comparison, but a bad day is still a bad day. Connection comes from being real with each other.
If your friend wants to talk about treatment, let them... but don’t press or ask if they don’t. Just stay tuned in and follow their lead.
As much as I don’t wish adversity on anyone, it is a part of life. We all face it, and that’s okay. We are strong. We are resilient.
But not all adversity comes with a month of awareness. And I guess what I’m really saying is: the pink ribbons can make it hard to stay grounded in today.
About the Author:
Sara Corckran has been on both sides of a cancer diagnosis—first as a caregiver, then as a patient. The first time, she didn’t have the tools to cope. The second time, she did—and it made all the difference. Now she shares what she’s learned in her book Grit and Grace and in her free weekly newsletter, The Heron’s Perspective. She believes that while pain is part of life, suffering doesn’t have to be the whole story.
More from Sara:
Read More:
On the Podcast: Breast Cancer Conversations
From Chemo to Curtain Calls, Radiation to Regattas: This Is Survivorship
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