Losing someone dear to breast cancer can be an immensely painful and emotional experience. As we grapple with the departure of our dear friends due to metastatic breast cancer, it's essential to recognize that grief is a complex and individual journey. This year has been particularly hard in our breast cancer community and our heart aches for the families who have lost a mom, grandmother, and/or spouse.
Grief is something we do not talk about enough. Oftentimes we may get a few days off from work for bereavement and then are expected to return as if everything is somehow fine.
Understanding the stages of grief can provide a framework for navigating this challenging process and finding healing amidst the ebbs and flows of pain.
Stages of Grief
Denial:
Initially, when faced with the loss of a loved one, it's common to feel a sense of disbelief or denial. It's our mind's way of protecting us from the overwhelming reality. Thoughts like "this can't be happening" or "it's just a bad dream" might surface as we struggle to comprehend the finality of the loss.
Anger:
As the reality of the loss sinks in, feelings of anger may emerge. We might question why this happened or feel anger towards the unfairness of the situation. Anger can be directed at various sources - illness, fate, or even towards the departed for leaving us.
Bargaining:
During this stage, it's not uncommon to find ourselves bargaining or making deals in our minds. We may ruminate on thoughts like "If only we had detected it earlier" or "If I had done something differently." We seek ways to negotiate with the situation, attempting to reverse what has already occurred.
Depression:
Grief often brings waves of profound sadness and emptiness. This phase can be marked by feelings of deep sorrow, loneliness, and a lack of motivation or interest in things that were once enjoyable. It's important to allow oneself to feel and process these emotions rather than suppress them.
Acceptance:
Acceptance doesn't mean forgetting or being unaffected by the loss. It signifies coming to terms with the reality of the situation and finding a way to move forward while cherishing the memories and honoring the life of the departed. It's a gradual process and doesn't happen in a linear fashion.
Finding Meaning and Healing:
Throughout these stages, it's essential to acknowledge that grief is a personal journey. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve, and each individual's experience is unique. Finding support from friends, family, support groups, or seeking professional help can be invaluable in navigating through the grieving process.
Remembering the friends we have lost to metastatic breast cancer as a source of inspiration, celebrating their life, and cherishing the memories we shared can contribute to finding solace amidst the pain. Finding purpose or meaning in the loss by supporting causes related to breast cancer, fundraising for research, or volunteering can also aid in the healing process.
SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources on Grief
#108. What is Grief & Giving Yourself Permission | Kelly Grosklags
#111 Complicated Grief and Caregiver Bereavement | The Caregiver Perspective
149. What to Say and Not Say to Your Children about Death and Grief
153. Grief Is Something No One Wants To Talk About, Yet It Effects Literally Everyone
180. Survivors Grief, Family, and Managing Progression with Amy, Amanda and Claudia
As we mourn the loss of our dear friends to metastatic breast cancer, it's okay to seek comfort in each other, reminisce about the beautiful moments, and find strength in the love and support that surrounds us.
Together, may we honor their memory, celebrate their life, and find solace in our shared journey of healing.