By Zoe
My name is Daniela alias Zoe, I’m 33 years old, going for 34.
I have been living and working in NY for the past 6 to 7 years. In NY, I'm able to do way much more that I could ever do in my hometown in Italy.
NY is a place I consider my artistic home. I can live and work in the U.S. on a 3 year artist visa. In fact, as of now, I'm busy renewing before it expires again.
On July 29th 2014, I flew from JFK airport, NY to Fiumicino Rome.
As usual, during the summer I go back to Italy on vacation, with the plan to come back to the States after 20 days, tops.
Not having medical insurance in the U.S., it is in Italy that I do my usual medical annual check up at my breast and ovaries.
There is some breast cancer history in my family but only from my father’s side, which would have been considered not really relevant.
Moreover, back in 2003, a suspicious nodule was found and I had to keep it under control by monitoring it. That year, I felt like a suspicious little ball growing on the right side of my breast. When I was raising my right arm it was popping up, stretching the skin and lightly altering the line of the breast.
I was a worried. My latest medical check up didn't reveal anything alarming. How can something drastic happen in a year?
My Diagnosis
On August 21st 2014, I was diagnosed a G3 Breast cancer at my right breast, infiltrating ductal carcinoma poorly differentiated; this is the exact diagnosis.
It seemed like the title of a movie or of a comic book from another dimension, from another time frame where all the serial numbers G3 of cyborg prototypes will have to be demolished by the corrupted military government cause inadequate, wrong and imperfect.
Just like a Manga vision.
Bottom line, I was dealing with a 2 centimeter and 7 millimeter neoplasia, chances are malignant cancer/ tumor.
Could it be true? Fine needle aspiration biopsy, technically answered this question and confirmed the diagnosis.
The doctors clearly told me that to allow the removal of the neoplasia, I would have to soon have a quadrantectomy surgery done, which is a cut that goes perpendicularly from the nipple to under the armpit. They also recommended possible post surgery radiotherapy sessions. These radiations are really harmful, among the many things they even have the power to change the DNA of the skin.
I was stunned, yet forced to have to understand all of it and quickly learn how to find my way out of this nightmare which was just at its very genesis.
Tests, Tests, Tests
Before anything, I had to do a NMR (nuclear magnetic resonance), a test that along a total body C.T. scan, would reveal possible presence of other neoplasia or metastasis. They still had to collect data on my case and they were not able to confirm that or anything with specific certainty, but some doctors already told me about the possibility of undergoing chemotherapy. Luckily, the C.T. scan didn’t reveal any metastasis but only an angioma on the liver, which initially scared the doctors, but later I learned it was congenital and therefore harmless.
The NMR revealed two more neoplasia of small size. I was told they would have to take out all the mammary gland and mastectomy was the only possible solution. They would completely remove my right breast. Some lymph nodes would also have to be extracted from the armpit to see if the cancer had spread outside my breast.
As if the removal of my breasts was not enough, I was told that 6 months of chemotherapy was also required. Whether this was going to happen before or after the surgery was not yet clear. A test that could allow the medical team to better understand when to do this treatment existed, but I was not aware of it at the time. Nobody had mentioned it. Thankfully the right oncologist informed me of it, which ultimately enlightened me on what to do. The existence of this important test was introduced to me only after being told all the possible consequences of the surgery.
The gruesome list that attacked my womanhood was horrifying.
I would be left unable to breastfeed, I would lose any sensibility, I would have to replace my mammary gland with implants. The possibility of removing my nipples was high and uncertain. It was only during the actual surgery that a test could have been performed to reveal whether tumor cells were present or not. I was doomed to have to enter the operating room without knowing if I would get out of it with nipples or not. That was a gamble I never imagined I would have ever had to experience in my life.
Genetic Testing
This last step might be the most important one for me. It consisted of a blood test that would inform me if the tumor was due to a genetic predisposition. If the test came positive there was a high risk of developing a tumor on both breasts, which meant that the removal of both breasts would have been likely. While waiting for the result of that test, I was left confronting the chance of a double mastectomy. As if that was not enough to fear, the doctors also informed me that if the test came back positive then in the near future, right after a potential delivery of a child, I should also have my ovaries removed. Really? Well, thanks for nothing.
Fear, Panic, and Struggle
The genetic test came back positive.
Procedure and protocol became some of the terms my brain would have to get familiar with, as I had no chance but to accept 6 months of enduring chemotherapy and a double mastectomy: 9 months of my upcoming struggle.