How could this happen to me? I am a personal trainer, I try my best to eat healthy foods, I eat lots of fruits and vegetables, no fast food, I don’t drink (besides an occasional sip of my husbands red wine), don’t smoke, workout 6 days a week etc… I was devastated. The thought of the surgeries and putting poison into my body made me want to run away forever.
Where to begin...
The long story short is I had a routine mammogram January 2017. Months later, after many more images, tests, and two surgeries (one for breast removal and one for complete reconstruction), I found myself facing my greatest fear: Chemo.
Not only would I have to complete 12 weeks of chemo, but because I am triple positive, I would need a year of immunotherapy every three weeks before the treatment year will be done. I’m thankful my tumors were small and my lymph nodes were clear but I had a long year ahead.
I had to accept this and move on.
I had many sleepless nights.
I cried many tears.
I knew I had to do this for my family and friends.
I really didn’t want to.
How could I make this all go away? I couldn’t.
So I took action!
I kept working out six days a week. Some days this meant only walking or very light weights.
I kept moving, and I believe this helped me recover very quickly from my surgeries and chemo.
Believe me, I had days where all I could do was sit on the couch because the nausea was so extreme.
I cried because I felt everyone else was living their lives and I was only watching but not living at all, I was only barely existing.
The day I shaved my head was difficult. But the day I lost my eyelashes and eyebrows I went into an extreme depression. I no longer looked or felt like me. I couldn’t even recognize the person in the mirror. She was so unrecognizable and literally stayed indoors for weeks.
While going through treatment, I went every three weeks for Herceptin and finished in July of 2018. My hair is slowly growing back.
It was very uncomfortable to wear a wig, so I try and not stay out for too long.
I was working very part-time but had to put most of my life on hold. I don’t know if I will ever feel like my old self again.
Sometimes I forget, but then I see myself in the mirror and it all comes back.
My body will never really look the same, but that’s ok.
I have a strong faith in God, and I know He will guide me through whatever happens.
I can’t wait for the day when this is all over, when I have hair again, and then, I will feel truly like I can put this behind me...
Except for the fact that a reoccurrence will always be in the back of my mind.
Where am I now?
It’s been over a year since I completed chemo and 6 months since I completed Herceptin.
I’m feeling better every day!
I’m slowly getting stronger and even a little less tired! There is hope and life does go on!! My hair came back and I'm ready to celebrate life!
Thank you for sharing your story, Tammy. SBC loves you!
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