By Ginger Guzman
How I anxiously longed for your arrival when I was young
Waiting impatiently for you to finally make your appearance
But frightened and shy of you all the same, afraid of how it would be
When you finally did make your debut
I was so very proud of you
You brought me to the portal of adulthood where
I first caught a glimpse of the future me
Your entrance made me feel that I was on my way
To finally becoming a woman
The furtive timid looks from boys
The first shy explorations of what it meant to have you as a new elemental part of me
As we both grew, you introduced me to sweet sensations and sensual play
That heralded so many changes and exciting promises of corporal joys
You would never grow so very big, but you became an essential feature
Of who I was; from your advent there was no me without you
I am ashamed now that I took you for granted for so many years
Annoyed with you the times you caused me discomfort and pain
Forgive my stupidity, I took you for granted and now I shed an ocean of tears
For I never realized the day would come that we two could no longer together remain
There must be more to you than just skin, tissue, veins, blood
What happens to you after they cut you off?
Where do you go?
Do they just throw you out?
Do you just disintegrate and fall apart in some trough?
How do I know, really truly know, that I have no choice, how do I live with the doubt?
But in my heart of hearts, in the secret place where I seldom go
There lives a voice that tells me what I need to know
And she tells me now that I must learn how to say goodbye
The experts are right; I must acquiesce and comply
In the best way I can and with all the love I am able to show
But how I wish there was someone, some book or class, to teach me to let go, to teach me how
You were the first definitive sign of my womanhood,
In you lives my youth, my girlhood dreams, those sweet fumblings & breathtaking discoveries,
All those years, all those dreams that I can longer dream, all I must keep locked in my heart
I must let go of the bad and only retain the good
Without you, I must find my way to a new start
Your door must close, another opens now…
Once again, you bring me to the very precipice of a new world where I am poised to jump
I fear it won’t be as full of wonder and discovery
As the one you first showed me
But perhaps it may be filled with the wisdom I so desperately need
And possibly lovely surprises may well await me where I go
I pray that I have the courage to say goodbye and set you free
Time is a commodity too precious to put in peril or squander, I mustn’t tarry any longer;
I beg of you one more gift: please take this disease with you and leave me unbowed
Take all the cells that won’t stop multiplying, take their malevolent intent with you on your way
And leave me more courageous, smarter, braver, kinder, stronger
Make all my fear, meanness, self-pity, despair, doubts depart, and I vow not to pass a day
That I do not remember and do my best to make us both proud
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