By Kiana Wooten In May 2019, I went to the doctor for a routine checkup. As the doctor was doing a normal breast exam, she felt a lump. I had felt this lump months before and paid no attention to it. Ever since I was a young teen, I had always felt small little lumps in my breasts, so to me it was normal. She proceeded to tell me that she wanted me to get a mammogram. I laughed because I thought, “What for?” At the time, I was only 34 years old and I know the typical age that a woman is supposed to start getting mammograms is around 40. I was not too concerned with it, so I just took the script and brushed it off. Fast forward to 3 months later, I started to have a lot of pain in my left arm and chest area. I was rubbing on my chest area and I noticed that the lump was still there, and it seemed bigger and a bit tender, which was a symptom I had not had before. It had not bothered me all these months, but now it was. I called my doctor and they urged me to go and get the mammogram as they had asked me to do before. Still, I did not think much of it. In my head, I honestly thought it could be a cyst. I finally got an appointment to get the mammogram done about a week later. While sitting in the radiology dressing room, a feeling of panic came over me. What if it was something to be concerned with? What was I going to do? Once they took me back to the room for the actual mammogram, I got nervous. The test took about 15 minutes. After the test was done, they bought me into a room. The technician informed me that they needed to do an ultrasound as well. Since this was my first mammogram, I thought that maybe this was a normal process after having a mammogram. Once she finished, she told me to get dressed and the doctor would be in to talk to me shortly. Well, that was different and unexpected. I have had tests done there before, and never has a doctor came in to talk to after. As soon as the doctor came in, my heart felt like it sank into my stomach. I just really started to feel sick. He looked at the images for a minute and said to me, “By the characteristics of the images, I am about 95% sure that you have some form of cancer…” I felt numb. I could not process what he was saying to me, so I sat there in silence for about a minute. For them to know exactly what it was, they needed to do a biopsy. So, I scheduled to have a biopsy done for 2 weeks later. The process did not hurt. I was more anxious to find out the results. On October 1, 2019, I received the phone call that would change my life forever. It was the doctor who performed the biopsy. As soon as she said the words, “I am sorry…” I knew something was wrong. She informed me of my diagnosis. I had something called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma , meaning the cancer was growing at a fast pace and I needed to seek treatment immediately. The following week, I saw a surgical oncologist. She assured me everything would be okay and what my options were. Before she could say anything, I said, “Take them both off.” Over the course of the next few weeks, I had appointments with her as well as a plastic surgeon. They kept asking if I was sure I wanted to remove both breasts (bilateral mastectomy). My answer never changed. On November 11, 2019, I had my initial surgery. In addition to having the bilateral mastectomy, I had tissue expanders put in to stretch the skin for when it was time for me to get my implants. Everything seemed like it went well until a few weeks after the surgery. I started not to feel well and developed a fever. My right breast area was sore and swollen. I went to the hospital, and it was discovered that I had an infection as well as a seroma (fluid buildup). This happened 5 more times over next 3 months. During this time, we were in the mists of the coronavirus pandemic, so it was super scary! Being hospitalized each time and having to put drains in on my sides to drain the fluid! NOT FUN! The last time it happened, my tissue expander tore through my muscle and skin, and I had to have emergency surgery to have them removed. On April 28, 2020, I had my tissue expanders taken out and they put my implants in. Everything seemed okay with the implants for about 4 months. On August 10, 2020, while at work, I started not to feel well and was in a lot of pain. Later that night, I developed a fever, so I knew that was not a good sign. I called the surgeon and they instructed me to come to the emergency room. Once they came in and examined me, they said right off the bat there was another infection and they needed to take the implants out. I was so devastated. I felt like I had already been through so much. I told them to take them BOTH out and I DID NOT want any other implants put in. As I tried to sleep through the night, I wondered if I was making the right decision. How would I really feel about not having any breasts at all? I also knew that mentally and emotionally, I was drained. I could not bear anymore. Well, its been almost 3 months later, and I feel AMAZING! I honestly wish I had made this decision to begin with. I thought I would be severely depressed about it, but I am not. I feel a lot more confident than I had in the past and this was indeed the best decision for me. My smile is bigger and brighter! I feel healthier and more in tune with my body. My real boobs changed my life. My implants changed my life. No boobs changed my life. No pair, don’t care! I am alive and living my best life! ---- Connect with Kiana on Instagram: @the_breast_decision_ Thank you for allowing us to share your story, Kiana! SBC loves you! SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Our Podcast Online Support Groups Free, Weekly Events

By Stacy Nardo I didn't think much of it, as breast cancer doesn't run in my family. My First Ever Mammogram It was 8 years ago. I went in for my first ever mammogram at 40 years old. My local hospital was having an event called Mammograms, Manicures, and Mocktails, and since I was always so busy with work and family, I scheduled the first slot at 4pm because I knew I would be in and out rather quickly, and I was. After the scan of my breasts, I went home and waited for the results. More Imaging I was called back for more imaging the next day, which I was told was normal for your first scan, and then was told to take a seat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. I was brought back to the radiologist’s office to be told I most likely had breast cancer and needed to see a surgeon right away. I was then led into the Breast Cancer Center Navigator’s office, and she proceeded to help me to get an appointment with a breast surgeon the next day. I was literally in shock and couldn't believe what was happening. I remember going home and calling my husband, my parents, and my sister, and just crying and not really understanding what was going on. The Call When I saw the surgeon that next day, she saw how scared and upset I was and arranged for me to have a stereotactic biopsy that day. Waiting the next 2 days for the results seemed like forever! And then late Friday night, I got the call that I did indeed have breast cancer. The surgeon explained everything to me and said to make an appointment for Monday to come and talk to her about next steps. After I hung up the phone, I just remember crying for hours with my husband and parents by my side. How could this have happened to me? I was healthy and young and it was my first mammogram, it just made no sense to me. But at least we caught everything early so that was good. Next Steps When I had my appointment the following week, the plan was for a lumpectomy followed by 7 weeks of radiation after I healed from surgery. I wanted the surgery as soon as possible so it was scheduled for 2 weeks later, Valentine’s Day! I really didn't want this surgery on Valentine’s Day as every year it would be this reminder, but it was the soonest date she had so I took it. Everything went by so fast, and I don't think even to this day I really remember how I actually felt as I just wanted to get it out and over with and same with the treatment, as well. In talking with the surgeon about the lumpectomy, she said it would make my breast considerably smaller than the other, so I decided to have a reduction of the other breast so I wouldn't have to wear a prosthesis and have a daily reminder of the cancer. I wanted my body to be as normal as possible. So, when I had the lumpectomy, I had a surgeon reduce my other breast at the same time so I would only have to go through one surgery. As it turned out, he didn't take out enough tissue so I had to have an in-office procedure to even it out as much as possible. No two breasts are perfect- I just wanted close enough. After I was done my 7 weeks of radiation, it was time to talk about Tamoxifen . I had a lot of questions and concerns about the drug and wasn't sure it was for me. My radiation oncologist was not my favorite person, and when I asked her more about Tamoxifen and it’s side effects and benefits, I was told to buy her book! I couldn't believe she even said that to me. She is my doctor, she is supposed to answer my questions and help me through this. But she didn’t. So, I sought out another opinion and then decided Tamoxifen wasn’t for me. I did some research and then spoke to my medical oncologist, gynecologist, and surgeon, and asked them about taking out my ovaries since I had had a partial hysterectomy years before, and taking out my ovaries would mean I didn't have to take the Tamoxifen because I would have no more estrogen in my body. With my cancer being estrogen positive , not having any estrogen in my body meant there was nothing to feed the cancer, and I would be safe. So, another surgery it was. But I felt like it was the best choice for me. I would be in early, medical menopause, but that sounded better to me than taking a medication I felt was toxic and that I knew I wouldn’t do well on since I never do well with prescription medicines. Eight Years Later and Still No Cancer! But it certainly hasn’t been a great 8 years. Because of the radiation, I developed many other medical issues that they just don't tell you about. I had cataracts and had to have surgery on both eyes when I was 45. My doctor told me it was from the radiation and pretty common, but the doctors don’t tell us these things when you are getting radiation. I have also been suffering from severe exhaustion since radiation as well. I was told that 7 weeks after my radiation ended I would start to get back my energy but that has never happened. I am always tired and sometimes to the point of it being so bad I just have to sleep as I have no other choice. I have also had other health issues as well- bladder pain being one of them- and depression and anxiety, as well. and just not being in good health overall. I keep hoping for my old self back, the me before cancer, but I know it is never going to be that way again. I refuse to accept this as my new normal so I keep searching out ways to feel better, and I am sure I will find answers and don't intend on stopping until I do . I just must say one thing- I have had an amazing support system of my husband, parents, family, and friends. They have always been there for me and have helped me whenever it was needed. I am truly lucky as some people go through this alone. I am glad I never had to do that and never will! Thank you for sharing your story, Stacy. SBC supports you! SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Positive Thinking for Healing Online Support Groups

Meet Ann: Triple Negative Breast Cancer, BRCA2+, Stage 2, & Celebrating 7 Years Disease Free In November of 2012, I found myself putting off my annual mammogram which I knew I needed to take care of. I have an extensive family history of cancer, and my Mom had just passed way from metastatic endometrial cancer a few months earlier. As a result, catching up on my medical appointments was not a high priority. Though in hindsight, it certainly should have been. My Dad died in 1986 from prostate cancer when I was a junior in college. One of my sisters has had thyroid cancer and all three of us girls in my family have had skin cancer. My brother is the only one in my immediate family who has not had a cancer diagnosis and I pray that he never hears the words ‘you have cancer.’ After my initial mammogram in 2012 I was called back for additional imaging. This had happened a couple of times before, and I wasn’t all that concerned about it. When I walked into the imaging area, the same technician greeted me who had done the initial mammogram. ‘Do you know why they wanted you to come back in?’ she asked. ‘I’m guessing they just needed more images.’ I responded. Then I saw the computer screen with my mammogram up on it. I could see the two spots as bright as day, one larger than the other. More mammogram images were taken, then I was told an ultrasound would be needed. The ultrasound was conducted, and it was after that when the radiologist came in and sat down. He said in effect that there were some spots that looked ‘suspicious for cancer.’ He told me a biopsy would need to be done, and asked since I was there already did I want to do it then or come back another day? I opted to have it done then since I was there, I then went into to a small changing area and waited for the procedure room to be prepped. That’s when it hit me, I most likely have cancer. The radiologist noted that I seemed fairly calm, that’s when I told him I had just lost my Mom to cancer and couldn’t believe this was happening to me now. I have 3 siblings, 2 live out of state, and my other sister an hour away. As I got changed for the biopsy, I sent a text to my sister in Oregon saying, ‘it looks like I have breast cancer.’ The gut feeling I had was correct; it was cancer. This was confirmed after the biopsy by my primary care doctor the next day. I wasn’t surprised at all, though I was numb and a little stunned. The official word was stage 2, triple negative breast cancer, and after genetic testing I have the BRCA2 gene mutation as well. What followed was treatment that did not go as planned. It was to be surgery, chemo, then radiation. Being diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, there was no disputing that chemotherapy was in the plans. After the first surgery the margins weren’t clear, so I was given two options: go back in and do a re-incision to get the margins clear or go straight to a mastectomy. I opted for the re-incision. From the time of my diagnosis I was hoping and praying that I wouldn’t have to undergo a mastectomy. After the second surgery I had a call from the surgeon who let me know the margins still weren’t clear, and that a mastectomy would be necessary. I sat there and let the word sink in, mastectomy. My sister was visiting and helping me after my second surgery and after I hung up with the surgeon I asked her to let my other two siblings know what the new plan was. Again, I found myself stunned and, in a fog, trying to wrap my head around this latest news. What was truly awful when I look back now, is that I started chemo not long after hearing this news that I had cancer and knowing that when I was done months later, I would have to undergo a third surgery (the double mastectomy) and have my ovaries removed due to the genetic mutation. The cancer was on the right side, but I saw no reason to have a one-sided mastectomy with my family history. What followed was months of nausea from the chemo that nothing, and I mean nothing, helped. Debilitating bone pain in my legs that was so bad I could literally hardly stand it (thank you, Neulasta!) I had made it through 10 infusions of the second chemo drug and had to stop before I could complete all 12. I was in so much pain and so miserable that I just couldn’t do it. There was no ‘final chemo’ celebration, no bell to ring, no signs stating that I was done with photos taken, etc. It came to an end when I called the nurse and told her in tears that I couldn’t come in that day as planned for chemo, I had given up, the side effects were too extreme. After some time to recover from chemo (about a month or so I believe) it was time for my last surgery. Honestly, I had been in such a fog of grief and sadness that thoughts of that final surgery hadn’t really been top of mind for me. At that point I just wanted to get it over with. I couldn’t work at all through my 8 months of treatment. The side effects from chemo were too extreme which ruled out even working part time. What followed the final surgery was the biggest surprise to me. I felt relatively ‘good’ for a month or so then came down with pneumonia. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had pneumonia. After pneumonia, it was one virus or illness after another, and I was beyond frustrated. It wasn’t the ‘every day will feel like your birthday’ feeling that a friend and fellow survivor had told me during treatment to look forward to. After finally seeing an integrative MD about 5 months post treatment I found out that stress takes a terrible toll on the immune system, and that I went into 8 months of treatment broken down in a variety of ways. Having just lost my Mom and all the grief and stress associated with that had taken a huge toll on my body and I had absolutely no idea. Not having that important piece of information, understanding the state of my health before treatment, is what I wish had been handled differently. It’s important in my opinion, for anyone undergoing such harsh treatment for a terrible disease, to know what kind of shape they are in (other than having cancer) beforehand. What I would do if I could go back and change anything would be to have seen an integrative or functional medicine MD before chemo and find out if there was anything I could do to help my immune system and to detox from the medications. I can’t say for sure, but I would assume chemo would have gone a bit smoother, and I wouldn’t have ended up getting sick so much post treatment. My oncologist told me that in her 20 years of practice I was the one patient who had such a horrible time with chemo. I kind of wish she hadn’t told me that, but I don’t doubt it, it was awful. It was an odd feeling once I had gone through the three surgeries and 2 cycles of chemo – one of finality but not having any direction as to ‘now what?’ I believe that survivorship, and all the mental and physical aspects that come with it, should get more attention. I could have used some type of guidebook of what to expect, but I had nothing to go on. Just watching other friends go through treatment but we are all unique and handle treatment differently. Since 2013 and getting through my treatment it has taken a very long time to get my physical and mental health on track at the same time. I worked with a nutritionist, the integrative MD and others to learn as much as I could. Fast forward to today and in August I’ll celebrate being cancer free for 7 years. A big takeaway from my cancer experience is that I don’t want what I went through to be for nothing. I learned a great deal post treatment as I’ve focused on my health and that’s why I freely share my story others. In 2016 I set up my Luckygirlbyann FB Blog page and Instagram account to talk about what I learned along the way post cancer, other topics I am passionate about, along with quotes I find inspiring. What helped me get through my ‘year of living cancerously’ was the vision of a bridge and getting to the other side of it. Using the word ‘journey’ to describe going through what cancer patients do every day did not resonate with me from the beginning (nor did it resonate for Andrea). That bridge turned out to be a lot longer than I had planned on or anticipated but I did eventually cross it, and for that I am grateful. Thank you for sharing your story, Ann. SBC loves you. SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Braving Chemo Book Recommendation Breast Cancer Risk Factors Online Support Groups Read On Tripple Negative Breast Cancer in your 20's and 30's

By Mary Strong As Hell With A Story To Tell Thriver I found out wonderful things about myself. I found that I am stronger than most people I know. I really had to be. I wasn’t going to crawl into a hole and give up. I had no other choice; I have a family and a daughter. My little girl will grow up to be a stronger, better woman than I am. I found out I am not a quitter! I got a whole new look. I really wasn't that freaked out about the hair loss. I've never really had long hair as an adult, so I thought I could live with it. When would I ever really be bald again?? I covered up for almost 3 months with cute turban-style hats. But I grew tired of that. They were hot and annoyed my head from the pressure of wearing them all day. Friends and co-workers told me that no one cared about my baldness but me. That was so true. I am a teacher, so I worried about the reaction of the students. They couldn't care less. I realized that I can help others through my strength. It can be contagious. Maybe a role model, a guide, an inspiration. Whatever you want to call it. Perhaps I can show the world the way we should all live. I learned to fight for what you want. Don't give up or give in. I gained a whole new me. I was never a miserable person. Moody, I guess. Happy, yeah, pretty much. But my sister noticed that after I was over the biggest hurdles of my treatments, I seemed really happy. It didn't occur to me until she mentioned it. But as I thought about what she said, I did feel truly happier than I had ever been before in my life. This diagnosis made me truly realize I was taking life for granted. I was blessed to have all the things I did. Now, I was going to appreciate every little piece of life that was offered to me! Warrior Later, after my hair started to grow back, a student asked when I had lost my hair. He hadn't even noticed that I was bald and the hair was growing back! For my bald debut, I dressed as Charlie Brown for Halloween. I took my classroom's school pictures that year with my bald head. Often, I would forget that I was bald and be shocked when I'd see myself in the mirror. I learned not to care about my bald head. As my hair grew back and was really short, I loved it. Others loved it. I had never gotten so many compliments. I am going to embrace and keep this new short hair look. I discovered that I underwent more than a transformation. I became so much more than I ever could have imagined after those disastrous months. But what else am I? Am I a cancer survivor or fighter? Ha! I evolved into a WARRIOR! This entire journey has been surreal. Sometimes this has felt like a dream; it really didn’t happen to me. I am no one special; just an ordinary person living an ordinary life. I went to school, got a job, met a man, got married, and had a baby. The common story of life. I was one of those people who thought, “Nothing really bad is going to happen to me. My life is routine.” Well, my enemy didn’t care about ordinary or extraordinary. It just attacked. Fighter You have no choice while battling cancer. If you don’t fight, then all is lost. That was not going to happen to me. I never thought twice about fighting. I just did it. It was imperative for my family and myself. I faced 12 weeks of chemo which was followed by 4 weeks of radiation. During my radiation, I worked every day, and then on the way home, I went in for treatment. On some evenings after work and radiation, I took my daughter to her art classes, Girl Scout meetings, and book club. No defeats there. I endured 12 months of Herceptin treatments. I walked out on the last treatment feeling like winning gladiator. I conquered all the struggles this enemy put me through. Strong As Hell But this warrior’s work is not finished and may never be. After surgeries, treatments, and quarterly and biannual check ups, I still have a mental tug-of-war. For the following five years, my armor is Tamoxifen to keep the enemy at bay. I have survived treatments; my enemy was fought. But the match won’t be called for another 5 years. Yet, even then this warrior’s enemy will always be feared of making a return. As a result, I must keep training. I am strong as hell and have gained too much. My blogs: The Meager Modern Mom Living With Cancer Follow me on Instagram and Facebook: Instagram The Meager Modern Mom on Facebook Thank you for sharing your story, Mary. SBC loves you! SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Positive Thinking For Healing Online Support Groups Breast Cancer Book Club

Meet Sonja, Diagnosed With Stage 3 Breast Cancer At 35 My name is Sonja, and I am 36 years old. A year ago last summer, I began having chest pain, kidney pain, heavier periods, and other odd symptoms. The best way I could describe it was, I felt "toxic." My body was telling me something was wrong . At the time I was 35 years old. My Concerns I had a physical last July and my PCP did a pap, breast exam, and blood work. All results were normal. I expressed to her my concerns. She first referred me to a cardiologist. I went and saw this cardiologist. At my one and only appointment with him, he said "I believe if it's not your heart, it's your lungs." He ordered an echocardiogram and 48 hour heart monitor. My heart was good. He reviewed results over the phone and no other real follow ups planned. Advocating For Myself A couple days went by. I felt like I was in limbo and everything was checking out good, but I was having such odd things going on. I worked in healthcare, at a local hospital. One day at work, I just decided to call my PCP's office. I spoke to the nurse, ultimately asking for a chest x-ray to be ordered. She wasn't the easiest person to deal with because I wasn't having "symptoms" that would require this kind of test. She also wanted me to be seen, but I told her I didn't want to pay the high copay. She spoke to my doctor, and I was able to get it approved my my provider. I went and had the x-ray done right then and there. I just felt like something was wrong. The chest x-ray showed a couple tiny spots on my right lung. I was told, most times, a radiologist would overlook these spots, because they were so small. I'm so grateful this radiologist was so thorough and didn’t let it go. The radiologist recommended a CT of my lungs. I had that test done. I was then getting a call saying the spots were not coming from my lung, they were coming from my right breast and now the radiologist was recommending a mammogram and ultrasound. Mammograms are not ordered, preventatively, until a woman is 40 due to insurance not covering it so this was going to be my first mammogram. I was up to date on my physical, blood work, and routine checks for lumps in my breasts and again, everything normal. My Mammogram & Ultrasound I went and had the mammogram done. I went on my lunch break. I remember the day like it were yesterday. I checked in and was asked to put a Johnny on like a jacket. I was then explained by the technician what to expect and the mammogram was then performed. The technician would take a set of pictures, and then leave, then come back for more pictures. This happened several times. I became nervous. My stomach had that sour feeling, like something was wrong. I was then being asked to go in a cool, dark room for a breast ultrasound. The technician applied the jelly on my breast and began taking pictures. All I could see were lots of colors on the screen. She then left the room and got a radiologist. This woman viewed the screen as she moved the wand around my breast. She wiped the jelly off of my chest, sat me up, and said "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you have three masses in your right breast, and it doesn't look good." I said "really?" She said "I've been doing my job for 30 plus years, and I can tell you that from what I see, there is a 5 percent chance of this not being cancer." She offered to call my family or a friend for me as I cried and continued to ask questions. She told me the next step would be to biopsy the masses. I did say to her many times that I would do anything to stay alive for my little girl and I would make sure her life would not be negatively affected. To be honest, after discussing the results with the radiologist, I remember getting dressed, walking to my car, and calling my husband and parents to tell them the news. I don’t remember anything else from that day. My Husband's Health ​It was about this time my when my husband Ryan, who is 38, began having some weird symptoms of his own. He is a senior master automotive technician for Ford and was having a hard time performing his job. He was exhausted beyond belief, he was tripping, dropping tools, and his extremities on his left side became numb, very weak, and very painful. Ultimately, he was told he was overweight by a doctor that he had never seen before and was told that he probably had carpal tunnel. No imaging was ordered. We began losing weight together and we even bought him wrist splints to see if that would help his hand. Ryan's symptoms worsened, terribly. It was so bad that I was having to help him get out of bed and with many daily activities. I truly couldn't understand what was going on with either of us. Invasive Breast Cancer Diagnosis I then had my biopsies. On September 27th I was diagnosed, while taking care of primary care patients full time, with invasive breast cancer. Three masses broke through my breast wall, toward my right lung. It was also brought to my attention that a lymph node under my right armpit looked suspicious on the last imaging that I had done after the biopsies. The radiologist who diagnosed me with cancer said I needed an additional biopsy. I was bummed. I remember being at work getting this news and I could barely breathe. I'm actually grateful I was at work because my coworkers called my family. I felt completely numb and debilitated. I just wasn't sure how I was going to tell everyone. Breaking The News I remember my mom picking me up, my dad got my 3-year-old (she’s now 4 and a half) at daycare, and my mom brought me home. My parents kept my daughter overnight, and I broke the news to my husband. I don’t remember much after that. I probably went to bed, and I know I called out of work the next day. HER2+ & My Husband's Diagnosis I was then going in for another biopsy. The radiologist who performed all of them was beyond fantastic. He was so gentle and so kind. When he took the biopsy, he told me right then and there it was cancerous. He did send the lymph node to pathology and it was confirmed that the cancer had spread to my right armpit. Everything after that happened fairly fast. Ryan's condition was getting so bad that he went back and saw our PCP. She sent him to a neurosurgeon. He ordered a MRI of his cervical spine. All of a sudden, I found myself, my husband, and my parents meeting with my surgeon, medical oncologist, and radiation oncologist. I was told that my cancer was HER 2 positive and that it was quite aggressive. It was about a week apart that I was having chemo training, just having my port placed and was starting 16 rounds of aggressive chemotherapy when Ryan was getting his MRI results. He was diagnosed with severe cervical stenosis. His spine was in fact collapsed, allowing no spinal fluid to circulate properly. We were told he needed major neck surgery or he would die. We were told that he needed to be very careful until surgery or he would be paralyzed. Neither of us could fathom the news we were receiving. His surgeon was shocked with how long he was able to perform just his daily activities let alone working on cars. His job, like mine, is very demanding. His job is much more physical though. Chemotherapy I began chemo. I went to the Payson Center every Wednesday for the first 12 weeks. During that time, I was receiving, in my port, dexamethasone (steroid), herceptin, perjeta (both breast targeted medications), and taxol (chemo). My hair started falling out after probably by my 4th treatment. My husband ended up shaving my head. It was less painful and less emotional to have a buzz cut vs. having my hair fall out, especially in the shower- that was the worse. I was very emotional. I was pretty sick on this regimen. I worked for about a month, taking care of patients and then had to go out on FMLA. It was happening all around the holidays. Ryan was also not able to work. It was like our worlds were crashing around us. We couldn't let it though. We had our daughter Penni to fight for. I was having so many symptoms. My entire body felt restless, heavy, and tired. I was getting frequent bloody noses (never had one in my life), diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, headaches, neuropathy in my hands and feet, changes in my taste buds, and sensitivity to light and sound. Ryan had his surgery. He ended up needed c4-c7 fused. He required 30 staples in his neck. During this time, while he was hospitalized, I began the second part of the chemo protocol. I was going to the Payson Center every other week for four weeks. While there, I was receiving dexamethasone (steroid), the herceptin and perjeta (breast cancer targeted medications), and A.C (chemo). This chemo is so potent that I had to sign a waiver saying I understood it was flesh eating. A nurse had to push this chemo through my port by a syringe, rather than from a bag dripping. I was very sick VERY sick on this regimen. No matter what, I was staying hopeful, appreciative, and positive. The chemo put me in menopause. Any symptom that comes with this, I got. I'd have to say, the hot flashes were the worst. (This month, I have come out of menopause. This has been awful. I've had to experience two periods, lots of cramping, and emotional issues from hormones. I have a message out to my medical oncologist as I would like to have my ovaries removed. I truly think my cancer was from a hormonal issue . Ovaries are what produces hormones. I'm beyond fearful of getting cancer again. I'm also having similar symptoms that I was having when I was diagnosed.) Caregiving Ryan was released from the hospital. I was his main caregiver and he was mine. We were not able to keep our daughter in daycare due to the cost so we were taking care of her full time as well. Ryan and I can't thank my parents and sister enough, for all their support and help, especially with Penni. Ryan was receiving in-home physical therapy. I finished 16 rounds of chemo on March 22 and had surgery on April 19th. Lumpectomy, Lymphedema, & Physical Therapy I went into surgery with my pink wig on. I remember the staff loving it. I thought I was going to have a lumpectomy (the chemo worked so well it shrunk the masses substantially so I didn't need a mastectomy), and a lymph node resection (3 or 4 lymph nodes taken out from my right arm pit) that area (axilla) has 14 lymph nodes. I woke up and was told that I had the lumpectomy but that all 14 lymph nodes had to be removed as the chemo worked so well, it was not known, exactly where the cancer was. My surgeon didn't want to take any risks. He also had to make the decision to cut my intercostal brachial nerve due to finding a suspicious growth on top of that nerve. He was definitely sad about cutting a nerve but he was very concerned by the growth. I'm in physical therapy twice a week now, for lymphedema and very bad hypersensitivity. I love my physical therapist. I just found out that due to the nerve being cut and due to having no lymph nodes in that area, I will always have the hypersensitivity. I can say some days it's so bad I cant tolerate many textures from shirts, jackets, etc. Chemo Brain & Radiation I went home the same day as surgery. I was very sore. I'm still having side effects from the chemo as well as from surgery. I am still having chemo brain , and my body, by the end of the day, is so fatigued and everything feels heavy. Ryan and I continued to stay positive and take care of each other and Penni. About a month after surgery, I started my first of 35 rounds of aggressive radiation. I went Monday through Friday for seven weeks. I just completed my 35th treatment on July 22nd. It was my mom’s birthday. It was definitely more than special because I got to ring the bell on her special day. Radiation was really tough, despite the lotion I was given in the beginning to use. By the time I got to my 20th round, I was beyond exhausted and I couldn't wear any sort of bra. My skin was opening up and I couldn't sleep. I was in a lot of pain. My radiation oncologist wanted to prescribe me a burn cream but I'm allergic to sulphur medications. He said any kind of reaction to sulphur, the cream would make my symptoms worse. I just sucked it up until the end. During radiation and to this day, I continue to get the dexamethasone, herceptin, and perjeta in my port, every three weeks, until November. In November, I should be getting my port out. I'm pretty nervous about this as my experience with it being put in was awful. Cancer Free I was told in April, two days before my birthday, that my cancer was a stage three and that all the pathology results came back and I am cancer free! Yay! I truly feel like positivity is the key. I also say it every day... my family, friends and people who I have met because of this journey have helped me to not give up and to not lose hope. I stayed and continue to stay focused and determined. Hope For Ryan & Our Family Ryan and I continue to be out of work. Many of his symptoms have improved, but he's still very much struggling with a couple things like his gate, balance, pain, and numbness/tingling in his left hand and pain that goes down his leg. Ryan had a post-op MRI and they found a tumor on his spine. He is now seeing a neurologist, thinking this could be multiple sclerosis, who is conversing with an oncologist. Ryan tells me as other areas heal, he can feel what his surgeon is concerned about. The next step is... he is having another MRI in the beginning of August. If the tumor is the same size or larger, he will require a biopsy. we are hoping it's from surgery and the damage prior too instead of possibly cancer. We are worried. We know worrying is not the healthy approach but waiting is hard and for all we've been through, it's hard to not worry, quite honestly. My FMLA ran out and after 10 years of service at our local hospital and 20 years total service of nursing, I was let go. The feeling to this moment still hurts. I know I was a fantastic employee. Patient care was my top priority. I also loved what I did. After being let go, I had to scramble around, while very sick on chemo, to get us health insurance. I paid for Ryan's, Penni's, and my health insurance, dental, and life insurance through the hospital. It's sad to say but true, the health insurance is better than what I was paying through the hospital. Ryan and I lost our dental insurance. Penni has it, thankfully, because she’s a kid. It was hell feeling like things were being taken from my family and I when it was totally out of Ryan’s and my hands. I did meet with a chief officer of the hospital, expressing my sadness as well as a proposal to coach other staff members going through cancer like me, and I was heard, but shut down . It saddens me that a health care organization could actually put in writing that they are letting you go due to a major health issue. Every day I think to myself is this really happening to Ryan, Penni and I?!?! Are we really going through things that are really traumatic and significant?!? The answer to both of these questions is yes!!! We are going to be celebrating 21 years as a couple in September, and we are only in our 30s. I tell everyone Ryan and I are very grateful that we can be going through this together. He is my right side and I am his left side. Neither of us expected to be hit hard but we are truly doing the best we can and are making the best with all we have. We feel rich in so many ways. If anyone is interested, I started writing journals two days after being diagnosed. Writing has been very therapeutic for me. I write on caringbridge.org. There are many things that I journaled about that fill in all these scenarios I speak about. Thank you for reading! I'm looking to inspire and help as many people as I can. Thank you for sharing your story, Sonja. SBC loves you and your family. SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Writing As Therapy Breast Cancer Poetry Online Support Groups

Meet Rayna, Diagnosed With Breast Cancer Just Two Months After Giving Birth Hi, my name is Rayna, and I was diagnosed with stage 2, triple negative breast cancer, just 2 months after giving birth to my daughter. I have no family history of the disease. ​ I do not carry the genetic mutation. I found the lump myself, 6 weeks postpartum. After having difficulty breast feeding my daughter and having no success with the pump, my original thought was calcified milk. Cancer wasn’t even a question. I received the diagnosis just before Thanksgiving. I was both a new mom and was looking at a hard road ahead of me, with aggressive chemotherapy and possible radiation. The plan was for chemo first, to shrink the tumor in hopes to have a lumpectomy at the end of treatment. (This is referred to as neoadjuvent chemotherapy). I had triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma cancer and would receive chemo once a week for 5 months. Those 5 months, the first months of my daughter's life, went by both extremely slow and incredibly fast at the same time. Each day, I watched my daughter grow more and more right before my eyes, while I continuously contemplated what the cancer was doing inside my body. I was told by my infusion nurses that I was a trooper, that I never complained, that despite the intense amount chemo that I had to go through, I never once showed signs of defeat. And they’re right, I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times when I was overwhelmed and scared, but never once was there a thought that I wasn’t going to overcome this. I was lucky too; aside from the hair loss, side effects were minimum for me. I rarely needed my Zofran and I had only minor symptoms compared to other woman I had read about and before I knew it my last chemo session was on April 28th, 2017. The tumor had shrunk to almost nothing. I had a lumpectomy on May 31st, and I was confident the margins would be clear. I was going to be able to go on with my life. I received the call from my surgeon that my cancer went down to a stage zero, but the margins were not clean and speckled with cancerous cells throughout. We decided on a mastectomy. After all the intense chemo and all that we did to try to save my breast, I lost it anyway. 2 weeks later, I had a unilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I had one drain in for a week, and I couldn’t lift my daughter for 3 weeks. My hair was growing back though, and after my implant exchange, which happened in August of 2017, I was finally starting to feel like myself again... sort of. I never got my period back after giving birth to my daughter, and here we are 2 years later and I’ve only had some light spotting. I had blood work done, and I’m most likely in early menopause. But that’s okay. My daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and if I can’t have another child, I’m okay with that. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the course of both my pregnancy and my cancer battle, and even though things didn’t just go back to “normal” for me, I'm okay with that. Thank you for sharing your story, Ranya. SBC loves you. SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Online Support Groups Breast Cancer Book Club Read On Tripple Negative Breast Cancer in your 20's and 30's

"I still have a life to be lived, and I am going to live it to the fullest." Without questioning, when going through a serious illness, you learn to know what faith truly is, along with finding the true meaning of beauty and how you really feel about yourself. I know this all too well because I have experienced many trials and tribulations in my life. Through it all, I gain strength that I never knew I had, and much more confidence in myself, which led me to loving myself all over again. I had a new beginning, all on my own. After going through so much in my life, things were going well, until it happened. I had a head-on collision with not only breast cancer, but colon cancer as well, and it changed my entire outlook on life. I thought I had endured rough years before but going through cancer was the rest of the iceberg. There is nothing like it. You wonder, what in life had you done so wrong to have this placed upon you. You began asking, why me. Yet through my tragedies and all that I had to endure, it all became an awakening for me, in which I received and gain all the strength and encouragement I needed to conquer. Through it all, not only did I find the true meaning of life, I found the true meaning of beauty . Through all the chemo, radiation, the pain I endured, I still felt beautiful. I found myself looking in the mirror even more during this time, because I thought what I was dealing with would change me drastically, but as I viewed the imperfections I now have to live with, over time it got better, and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I embrace it all; I'm still among the living, who am I to complain. Whether we are dealing with an illness or any other negative feelings about ourselves, our lives, and our bodies, we need to be our on-cheering section. Through all my mishaps, I still feel beautiful and it is real. I have come to realize that even going through such a dark time in my life, I still have a life to be lived, and I am going to live it to the fullest. When I think about the individuals that are no longer among us due to such a horrific disease, I'm truly grateful, and I will no longer take my life for granted, life is precious, and we don't realize that, until we come close to losing it. When I think of the “gift of life” that was given to me twice over, I knew I did not have a moment to waste. I would never say having or going through cancer is a gift, surviving it, receiving a second and third chance at life, is the gift. Yet, through it all, I did not allow the disease to take away who I am, or what I stand for. I am a survivor, as well as an example to show that it can happen, and that I can go on and look and feel just as beautiful, inside, and out, and it shines brighter. Yet through my tragedies and all that I had to endure, I received and gain all the strength and encouragement I needed to conquer. I will say, that the areas of my body that was interrupted, will be a constant reminder I had cancer, and at times, it does bother me, I'm human, but within a moment or two, I look past it, because those areas could be covered up. True beauty is within and when you feel beautiful on the inside, it shows so clearly on the outside. Just because I had cancer, does not mean cancer had me. We as women should never allow anything, or any circumstance to steal our joy, nor our self-esteem. And I know with cancer, many times you are too weak to even think about your looks, because you're not always feeling your best, believe me, I know; but sometimes you must try a little bit, and fight past it and keep living. Through any tragedy, we are and always will be beautiful and unique! Women, we all know that our bodies take lickings, yet we keep on ticking. When I look back now and see how far I've came, I have to say, I thought right away that my cancer diagnoses was truly a death sentence, because you're not sure if you're going to make it or not. Cancer have taught me not to blink twice at life, my eyes are wide open, living life to the fullest. I also realized after surviving cancer both times, that I was about to face new beginnings, new hope, do and see more with a whole new prospective on life. I share my story with others hoping to make a positive impact on someone who is ill or otherwise, where they can proceed life in a whole new way. I am 63 years of age now, and I am cherishing each day, each moment, and through it all, I feel that I am still at my best. I am confident with myself, as well as grateful. I am starting over, doing things I should have done before cancer. One day, after one of the many surgeries I had during my breast cancer period, and I could remember it as if it was yesterday, I experienced something so real, so peaceful, something of a miracle, that I had to write it down. I turned that experience into a poem, and I called it “Peace”. I took that poem, along with many others I had written, writing had become therapy for me. I am hoping that anyone who may have the opportunity to read my poems, get out of them, what I placed in them, they are as real as any could ever be. My most recent published book is titled, “Cancer, Yet Cancer Again, but I will not Die, before I'm Dead”. I titled it that, because I truly feel that you should not stop living, because you have cancer, and that is exactly what I almost did, when I heard the word cancer. I am a realist, a regular everyday woman, who have overcome many obstacles, which took me to writing, trying to produce inspirational stories. If I had not gone through all that I did, I would have never anticipated such. The scars and mishaps, that are now attached to my body, due to cancer, are just that, and they are symbols for someone else inspiration and hope. I am thankful, because if I had not struggled, I would not have found my true strengths. I am a true example that you can survive cancer, not once, but twice, providing you get to it in time. I am not saying all will be easy, I am not saying all will survive it, what I am saying, is to have faith, fight with all you have, then hold on. I honestly believe, when and if you survive a horrific tragedy or a horrible disease such as cancer, it is for a reason. You have a purpose, and through that purpose, faith, compassion, and strength, true beauty is born. Thank you for sharing your story, Karen. We love you. SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Online Support Groups Attend an Event Listen to the Podcast: Breast Cancer Conversations

By Robin K. Woodruff I was diagnosed with Stage IIa Invasive Lobular breast cancer in 2018. I already had pre-existing mental illness: bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I was stable and doing well with my breast cancer treatment until I reached the 3rd week of radiation. The radiation fatigue started kicking in, and, as a result, I became more emotional. I felt like a slept for almost a month afterwards. Just as I was getting back on my feet, I started Tamoxifen, being premenopausal. However, I was told to stop taking Paxil as it would interfere with the metabolism of Tamoxifen. Within a week, I was bed-ridden with depression and went back on Paxil. After another try, I opted to get Lupron injections so I could take aromatase inhibitors instead. I was given the shot the same day as my appointment with the oncologist when I made this decision, so I didn’t have time to research and I wasn’t given any information about its risks and side effects. I started going downhill after being put into artificial menopause and struggled with severe fatigue caused by Femara. I slowly spiraled over the next few months , so I didn’t realize what was happening. I had my next Lupron shot 3 months later in November. By late January, I realized I was in trouble. I quit the Femara to try to see if it was the cause of my problems. That wasn’t it, so I deduced it was the Lupron and did some investigating. I was shocked to find out that Lupron can trigger mania in people with bipolar. Suddenly, I realized what was happening and called the oncologist. He told me to call the psychiatrist. I did, and he worked with me to try to get the mania under control. However, since the Lupron is a long-lasting shot, I couldn’t just discontinue it, but had to wait for it to leave my body. I was put on an atypical antipsychotic, but it still didn’t reign in my mania. I wasn’t sleeping, and I was manically making art. Eventually, I turned to alcohol to try to cope. All that lead me to being admitted into a behavioral health unit (psych ward). Even then I wasn’t getting under control. Finally I was put on Vraylar and things started to improve. A few months later, I had my ovaries out so I could take the aromatase inhibitors without the Lupron by putting me into menopause. The oophorectomy was no big deal, and I was happy with my decision . Then I tried every AI, but the fatigue was intolerable, so I decided to discontinue endocrine therapy. My mood stayed stable after that. But eventually, I did end up having a double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction since I found out I had the BRCA2 mutation following all the above (a whole other story). I did really struggle with that decision, and had a really hard time the first week, really regretting my decision due to the excruciating pain. However, as I improved, I knew I made the right decision . I am 4 years out and no recurrence, but I wish I would have known what I was getting into with all the treatments and how they impact functioning and mental health. Thank you for sharing your story, Robin. SBC love you! SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Our Podcast Online Support Groups Free, Weekly Events The Podcast: Breast Cancer Conversations. Listen Now

A Stage 3 Survivor Shares Her Story With Incredible Detail And Inspiring Resilience Hello, I'm Alicia. I am a voice of hope and enjoy telling people my story because, although the stories are similar, I was 27 years old when I felt my lump and survived stage 3. I was 27 years old living the life I thought you were supposed to with the exception of drinking. I worked out 4x a week, and was not considered obese. Around Christmas, I was in the shower when I noticed a ball type look in my right breast above my nipple. I immediately began checking myself as you are taught, with the one arm up over your head, etc. and the mass moved around and it felt not round but more oblong. Any chance in my head that this was breast cancer went out the door because at the time you were taught its rounder and doesn’t move or have "play." The other thing that kept me thinking was that I was invincible; the fact that women weren’t expected to get a mammogram until after the age of 40 years old. With that being said I let it go, and didn’t listen to all the other symptoms that came up over the next year and a half. For example, I felt pain under the same side of my armpit as the lump in my breast. The pain started an inch lower than the lump (but still on the same side), and after working out I was more and more fatigued which made zero sense due to the fact that your cardio should be going the opposite way. When I turned 29 (years old) in 2011, and had received health insurance, my mom harassed me to get my “yearly” done because, years before my grandma had a grapefruit sized benign tumor in her cervix area removed. There was no concern to my breast because of all the reasons stated above but also, my mom felt the lump at one point and said it was more of a plugged milk duct feeling. I went to the doctor and mentioned 10 other things that I was concerned about and then said, “Oh yeah, there’s this lump in my breast.” After the Dr. checked she scheduled me for a mammogram and then an ultrasound. Even then, the tech said 60% of the women my age who had a lump found it to be benign. I sat in the waiting room watching women come in and out who were told by the nurse, "Congrats you’re good till next year," I started to realize I’m not going to be that lucky. It was shortly after that the radiologist called me into his office. I remember it being a dark room with my X-ray on the screen, and he said, “See that image? That’s your tumor and that’s cancer.” Just as matter of fact as can be. I was then rushed to get a biopsy, and after a long wait, a doctor confirmed that I had cancer. I was rushed to the oncologist and breast surgeon. It was all so fast. Chemo. And the side effects. And just when I started to feel better it was time for another round. Before I could take a deep breath, I was scheduled for a mastectomy. Once I recovered, my cancer had changed from stage 2 to stage 3. And now radiation. Radiation was its own mess. My mastectomy scar opened up and became infected - but we couldn’t stop the radiation so there was packing involved and I kept going. I received 3rd degree burns on top of burns with little relief. Then of course the fatigue never changed. My first tattoo was a radiation tattoo. I spent my 30th bday in the radiation room where the staff surprised me and my wife with a bunch of orange confetti, orange flowers, and orange candy, etc. Because orange has been a favorite color of mine since I was 8 years old. After having people stare at my una-boob for several months, because my heart rate was unable to be down long enough for a bilateral mastectomy, I finally received the left-side mastectomy in 2012. Now its 7 years later. I’ve had a hysterectomy, been put in medical menopause, and I’m on a hormone blocker since I was ER positive. The most important thing is..... I am cancer free! Thank you for sharing your story, Alicia. SBC loves you. SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Breast Cancer Symptoms Online Support Groups

By Kristen Carter Dear Kristen, My question is, what tips could you give to avoid “scanxiety?” I am trying to reduce the stress and anxiety when I hear I have to see another specialist or have more testing completed. A.A. Dear A.A., In the same way we can imagine beautiful futures like a cure for cancer and watching our grandchildren thrive, we can imagine the most horrific futures: progression, painful treatment, devastating side effects, death. Imagination is a uniquely human capacity, designed to help us anticipate the future and plan accordingly. But sometimes we imagine the possibilities and let them scare the bejeebers out of us, without taking the next step and doing the planning. I believe one of the biggest reasons scanxiety is so powerful over our imaginations is that when we fear test results, we not only imagine the worst, we assume that we will not be able to cope with it. That we will be helpless bystanders, and overwhelmed victims of what we learn. Instead, let’s talk about all the ways you–all of us–can plan and to cope. What I offer you today is a skill for handling whatever comes your way , one you can use with scan anxiety, seeing a new doctor, having more tests, and even the life stresses that have nothing to do with breast cancer. Here’s what I recommend Think about what you have overcome so far in your life. I imagine it’s a lot. Write down a few of those tough situations, leaving a few lines between each one. Then think about the strengths and inner resources you used to pull you through those hard times. Name and write down any inner assets that helped you cope. Did you rely on hope? Persistence? Digging for information? Humor? Your spirituality? Courage? Love for your family? The support of friends? Teamwork? Perspective? These same qualities are the ones that will help you deal with any new challenge that comes your way. A great way to find out more about your strengths is by taking the VIA Assessment of Character Strengths, which can be done for free at www.viacharacter.org (an inexpensive but very informative report is also available). It’s been taken by more than 15 million people worldwide and is one of my very favorite tools for helping clients discover what makes them strong. After taking the survey, add some of your new-found strengths to step two, above. Feel how empowering it can be to know that you can tap into all these qualities any time. They are baked into your personality and available at a moment’s notice. Next time you begin over-imagining the awful things that could happen, remember two things: One: You get to choose the stories you tell yourself, and Two: You are equipped to handle what comes your way. Wishing you strengths and a calm mind and body, A.A. Much love, Kristen

There is no question that breast cancer is a serious and scary topic, but raising awareness and much-needed funding doesn’t have to be. Creating and participating in fundraising activities to provide programs, education, and community support to those diagnosed and their loved ones can be empowering and eliminate feelings of helplessness. At Survivingbreastcancer.org , we’re sharing a few ideas for unique and sometimes silly ways to raise money for breast cancer. Some suggestions are virtual while others are in-person projects. VIRTUAL PINK HAIR DYE CHALLENGE For people looking for fun ways to amuse one another while at home, issue a challenge to a group of friends or associates to dye their hair (temporarily) pink. It can be their whole head or streaks of pink throughout their hair. Participants can use hair products or even use Kool-Aid to take the challenge. Show off your new look and have everyone take a photo to post on their social media accounts. Charge a fee to participate and ask them to involve their social media contacts by encouraging donations. VIRTUAL CAKE-DECORATING CONTEST Combine the artistic abilities and food skills of your friends with a virtual cake-decorating contest. Charge a small entrance fee for participants, and sell cake decorating kits for maximum convenience. This way, supporters will have everything they need to create their cake masterpiece with minimal effort. Encourage participants to decorate their cakes in any way they’d like. Each participant will then upload a picture of their cake to an online portal, and other supporters and community members will vote on the top cakes digitally! VIRTUAL COOKING CLASS With so many pictures of food posted online, it’s not a big leap to offer a cooking class to your network of friends and family. Put on an apron and channel your inner Julia Child, or consider asking a local chef to host a class. Charge a fee to watch and then schedule a second meetup or post photos of how the dish turned out for each participant. VIRTUAL SOIRÉE Who doesn’t like a party? Ship each guest a “party in a box” for a festive atmosphere on screen; party boxes could include favors (hats, leis), tiny decorations (paper lanterns, mini-umbrellas for drinks), or even food and drink (pie-in-a-jar, drink mix). Ask guests to make a donation to participate, but also donate the money they would have spent on party favors to breast cancer research and support. VIRTUAL GAME NIGHT Host a virtual game night with a group of friends. Among the various virtual card games on PlayingCards.io is Remote Insensitivity , which is basically a free online version of Cards Against Humanity . Jackbox is another option with a variety of hilarious games available for individual purchase or in party packs, and Skribbi is essentially digital Pictionary . PINK PUMPKIN DECORATING CONTEST Pumpkin carving and decorating contests are seasonal favorites in the fall. What better way to create breast cancer awareness and raise funds during Breast Cancer Awareness month than by making it a pink pumpkin decorating contest? Charge a fee to participate and ask a local business to display the pumpkins with collection jars next to each one. The pumpkin with the most jar donations wins! PINK GARDEN CONTEST Turn those green thumbs pink! This may require additional planning, but the results are well worth the effort. Invite friends or work with your local garden club or organization to plan, plant, and display a pink garden. Participants pay a fee to compete, and when the gardens bloom, you can raise additional funds and awareness by hosting a garden tour. GUYS-IN-PINK CAR WASH This is a twist on the typical car wash, which is a fundraising classic. Instead of a regular old car wash, ask the men in your life to dress up in breast cancer pink and start washing cars. Any money raised from the car wash is donated to breast cancer research and support. PINK LEMONADE STAND Who can say no to a kid selling lemonade, especially when it’s for a good cause? Get the kids involved with a pink lemonade stand. Make extra money by combining it with a yard sale. PINK FLAMINGO FLOCKING Purchase a flock of pink plastic flamingos lawn decorations (you can purchase pink flamingos inexpensively from Amazon ). Pick 10 yards in your community to be the lucky recipients. Attach note cards to the flamingos’ necks with a phone number and your 3-Day donation information. State that for a $10 donation, the flamingos will be removed, but for $15, they will be moved to the lawn of their choice. Make sure you also place a sign that has your contact name and phone number among the flamingos for those who drive by and would like to have the flamingos placed in a friend’s yard. These are just a few ideas to get you started. Please follow our fundraising guidelines and let us know how it went! And, of course, we welcome your donations at any time!

By Amy Banocy “After” isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of a different kind of becoming. Because cancer leaves reminders. In scar tissue. In muscle tightness. In phantom pain and itching (oh my god - the worst!). In altered relationships. In the fear that still shows up during follow-ups and scans, and every time you feel something “off” in your body. But it also leaves strength and resiliency. A fierce devotion to authenticity and living this one precious life the best way we can. A deep knowing of what matters and what doesn’t. A reconnection with Self (your Soul Self with a capital S) We get to carry both. It’s a duality. We get to feel pissed off that we still have limitations and proud that we keep showing up anyway. We get to cry because it’s still hard, and celebrate how far we’ve come. We get to rewrite the narrative of what being a survivor even means. Because we get to define what comes next. Not society. Not a f*cking pink ribbon or the ring of a bell. Not the people who say, “Aren’t you just glad to be alive?” (Yes, I am. And also, please stop.) To my fellow survivors: If no one told you lately… it’s okay if your survivorship doesn’t look like anyone else’s. It’s okay if your body still aches. If your emotions are still on a rollercoaster. If you’re still figuring it all out. You’re allowed to feel everything. You’re meant to feel everything. Full permission to evolve. To rest. To rage. To dance. To reclaim. To begin again and again and again. There is no timeline, my love. There is no script. And there sure as sh*t is no one-size-fits-all version of this life as a survivor. There’s just your truth. And that’s more than enough. I love you! Photo credit: Paula Simons Photography Connect with Amy: https://www.instagram.com/amybanocy/ Share your poetry: https://www.survivingbreastcancer.org/submit-breast-cancer-story SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Podcast Weekly Meetup s Free Events

By Kimberly Stephenson After a mammogram, the answers to questions like “Did anything look abnormal?” and “How serious is the abnormality that was found?” help radiologists and physicians to determine your BI-RADS score. Your BI-RADS score is an acronym for ‘Breast Imaging Reporting and Database System’. The score ranks the findings from mammogram screenings into a small number of well-defined categories. BI-RADS scores are used to convey to doctors how concerned radiologists are about the findings. The information obtained by the radiologist is efficiently summed up in that one number. While this test cannot medically diagnose breast cancer, it can help to identify anything atypical. However, it is important to note that not all abnormal findings are considered cancerous. What Does the BI-RADS Scoring System Tell Us? Doctors use the BI-RADS scheme to place abnormal findings into categories. The categories range from 0 to 6, and are as follows: Category 0 : A score of 0 indicates an incomplete test. The mammogram images may have been difficult to read or interpret. This could happen, for example, if you moved at the precise moment the picture was taken. In some cases, doctors may want to compare these new images with older ones to determine if there have been any changes. A BI-RADS score of 0 requires additional tests and images to provide a final assessment. Category 1: A score of 1 indicates a negative result. This score is good news. It means that your mammogram has no evident signs of cancer, your breast has equal density, and no well-formed mass was found. However, you should continue to have routine screenings even after a BI-RADS score of 1. Category 2: A score of 2 indicates a negative result but with benign findings. Your mammogram is normal, with no apparent cancer, but other findings (such as benign cysts or masses) are described in the report. Routine visits are suggested with this score. Category 3: A score of 3 indicates that findings are probably benign. This score is not so black and white, as the findings imply that your mammogram results are probably normal , but there is a 2% chance of cancer. You will be asked to follow up with a repeat mammogram within six months. If you have a family or personal history of breast cancer, the radiologist may opt to do more tests sooner rather than later. Regular visits help avoid multiple and unnecessary biopsies and can confirm an early diagnosis if cancer is found. Category 4: A score of 4 indicates suspicious findings or abnormalities . This level is where concern for breast cancer risk begins to increase . In this instance, there is a 20% to 35% chance of cancer. To verify, your doctor will need to perform a biopsy to test a small tissue sample. This score is split into three additional categories based on the doctor’s level of suspicion: 4A - Low suspicion for cancer or malignant findings (more than 2% but no more than 10%) 4B - Moderate suspicion for cancer or malignant findings (more than 10% but no more than 50%) 4C - High suspicion for cancerous or malignant findings (more than 50% but less than 95%) Category 5: A score of 5 indicates highly suspicious findings. In this instance, there is at least a 95% chance of breast cancer. A biopsy is highly recommended to confirm results and determine the next steps for treatment. After biopsy, the average rate of carcinoma in category 5 is about 75-97%. Category 6: A score of 6 indicates a known biopsy with proven malignancy . You can only score a 6 after you’ve had a biopsy and received a diagnosis for breast cancer. Mammograms may be used in this way to see how well the cancer is responding to treatments such as chemotherapy, surgery, and/or radiation. How Do BI-RADS and Breast Density Relate? Two main types of tissue make up the breast: fibroglandular tissue and fatty tissue. On mammograms, Fibroglandular tissue appears dense, whereas fatty tissue does not. Most women have both dense and non-dense (fatty) tissues. The volume of dense tissue compared to the amount of non-dense tissue in your breast is commonly described as your breast density. Dense breasts have less fatty tissue, meaning they are more likely to develop cancer in comparison with less dense breasts with more fatty tissue. The volume of dense tissue in your breast can be measured by radiologists by using BI-RADS. It is important to note that although breast density can be seen on a mammogram, it is not related to the actual size or even the feel of your breasts. Breast density varies from person to person and can even change over time as we get older. BI-RADS also classifies breast density into 4 categories. They are as follows: Mostly fatty - Breasts are composed almost entirely of non-dense (fatty) tissue Scattered Density - Breasts are composed mainly of non-dense (fatty) tissue, with some scattered areas of dense tissue. Consistent Density - Breasts are composed of a mixture of non-dense (fatty) tissue and dense tissue. Extremely Dense - Breasts are composed of almost entirely dense tissue Breast density is important because the denser the breast, the harder it is to detect abnormalities. Normal dense breast tissue looks white on mammograms. Breast masses or tumors also look white, so dense tissue can hide some tumors. However, this does not mean that you should be alarmed if you have dense breast tissue. It simply means that you should speak with your health care provider about your overall breast cancer risk. Regardless of the density of your breast, it is important to keep up with your mammograms! Does a BI-RADS Score of 5 Always Equate to Cancer? Although this is a seemingly straightforward question, the answer is not. The use of BI-RADS can aid in standardized reporting, steering decision-making, and operating as a useful tool in collecting medical data. Each BI-RADS ranking reflects an increased suspicion of breast cancer diagnosis. When a patient is given any BI-RADS score, a cancer diagnosis cannot be wholly confirmed. The score simply assists doctors in communicating your mammogram results while determining the right course of treatment. The main goal of any biopsy with BI-RADS category 5 is to validate the diagnosis and scope of an obviously malignant lesion. Additional diagnostic procedures, particularly imaging and possibly biopsy of the axillary lymph nodes, will almost always be necessary. Although a BI-RADS score of 5 highly suggests malignancy, it does not necessarily provide a complete cancer diagnosis. The only solidified fact is that appropriate action should be taken for the health and well-being of the patient. Whether your BI RADS score is 0 or 5, knowing and understanding your score will help ensure that you get the appropriate follow-up after your mammogram. It is part of what you need to know to actively take part in and make informed decisions regarding your medical care. Check out our Podcast with Dr. Paula Gordon , a Radiologist from Vancouver on mammography and screening! To read a personal story from one of our thrivers regarding mammographs and breast density, check out Leslie’s Story !

What is Mindfulness Tapping? Mindfulness tapping, or emotional freedom technique (EFT), is a type of mindfulness meditation that uses your fingertips to tap on certain points on your head and chest while you focus on your breath and the present moment. Tapping is said to help release negative emotions and allow for a more positive state of mind. The emotional freedom technique can be an effective way to reduce stress and anxiety, heal emotionally and psychologically, and improve sleep quality. Additionally, EFT may also increase feelings of happiness and well-being. What are the Body's Meridian Points? The body's meridian points are energy pathways, which run throughout the body. These pathways are believed to be responsible for our emotional and physical well-being. When these pathways become blocked or restricted due to stress or negative emotions, it can result in physical and mental symptoms such as pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression. When practicing mindfulness tapping (EFT), your fingertips will tap on these specific meridian points with each round of taps lasting several seconds and focusing on a particular thought or emotion. Benefits of Mindfulness Tapping / EFT Mindfulness tapping has been shown to help reduce stress and anxiety levels by helping you focus on the present moment rather than worrying about the past or future. It can also help to reduce feelings of depression, loneliness, and exhaustion. In addition, mindfulness tapping has been found to improve sleep quality, increase positive emotions and decrease fatigue. What are the 9 Mindfulness Tapping Points? The 9 tapping points used in mindfulness tapping are: The side of the hand Top of the head Eyebrow bone Side of the eye Corner of the mouth Under the nose Chin point Collarbone point Under the arm Can Mindfulness Tapping be Used to Reduce Anxiety? Yes, EFT can be used to reduce anxiety. Studies have found that tapping can help to decrease levels of stress hormones in the body and also activate regions of the brain associated with positive emotions. Additionally, it may help to improve confidence and self-efficacy. It is important to remember that EFT should not be used as a replacement for professional help, but it can be a great tool to use in conjunction with other forms of therapy. EFT to Reduce Stress Mindfulness tapping / emotional freedom technique is an effective way to reduce stress in our lives, both emotionally as well as physically, with the aim of increasing our overall well-being. Through tapping on the body’s meridian points, we can focus and concentrate on the present moment instead of worrying about what has already passed or what may come in the future. Furthermore, mindfulness tapping can assist us in managing feelings such as depression, loneliness, and exhaustion while helping to improve our sleep quality and increase positive emotions. With dedication and practice, EFT can be a great way to help manage stress levels and take back control of your life. Basic Steps The practice of mindfulness tapping is relatively simple. You can either do it seated or standing, and you don't need any special equipment. Here are the basic steps: Decide what you want to focus on. This could be a particular thought or emotion, such as worry or stress, or it could be a physical sensation, such as pain or tightness in the chest. Tap with your fingertips on the following points while repeating a mantra or affirmation related to the issue you're focusing on: The side of the hand The top of the head The eyebrow bone The side of the eye The corner of the mouth Under the nose The chin point The collarbone Under the arm Take a deep breath and relax for a moment when you're done. Where Can You Perform Mindfulness Tapping? Mindfulness tapping can be done anytime and anywhere, and it's a great way to quickly release negative emotions and promote a more positive state of mind. The Benefits of EFT The emotional and physical benefits of EFT are well documented, but it’s important to remember that the technique is not a substitute for medical care. If you have any questions or concerns, seek professional advice from a licensed practitioner. While it may be tempting to use EFT as a way to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions, this approach can be counterproductive and make the issue worse in the long run. It is also important to remember that everyone’s experience with EFT will be unique; what works for one person may not work for another. Take your time and find what works best for you! With patience and practice, EFT can help you on your journey of self-discovery and emotional freedom. Focus on the present Mindfulness is a practice that helps you focus on the present moment and be in the here and now. It can be done through different techniques, such as meditation, yoga, or mindfulness tapping (also known as EFT or emotional freedom technique). Mindfulness makes you aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. When you're mindful, you're more present and less likely to get caught up in negative thoughts or emotions. This can be helpful in dealing with stress, anxiety, or pain. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, and each person may find their own method that works best for them. Some people find it helpful to meditate regularly, while others may prefer to do yoga or mindfulness tapping. The important thing is to find a method that you can stick with and that helps you focus on the present moment. The leaders of mindfulness tapping are Gary Craig and Dr. David Lake. Gary Craig is the founder of EFT, and Dr. David Lake is a leading expert on the use of EFT for anxiety and stress. Beginning Your EFT Session When you begin your EFT session, take a moment to focus on what you would like to achieve: Releasing a specific emotion, reducing pain or tension, or simply calming the mind. Having a clear intention will help to keep you focused and motivated during your session. Visualizing the negative emotion or sensation leaving your body as you tap can be helpful in promoting positive change. Putting essential oils on the points you tap can be soothing and add an extra layer of relaxation. Tapping along to music or sounds of nature can help to relax your mind and body. Doing a guided EFT session with a certified practitioner can help to ensure you are doing the technique correctly. Tapping on different points of the body can help to release emotions or sensations that are stuck. Combining EFT with other mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can amplify the effects. Keeping a journal of your EFT experiences can help you to track your progress and see positive changes over time. Sharing your EFT journey with others can help to inspire and motivate them to try it for themselves. What are the Side Effects of EFT? EFT is generally well-tolerated and has few side effects. However, some people may experience a temporary increase in emotional intensity as they begin to process their emotions more deeply. This is natural and will usually pass within a short period of time. Other possible side effects could include headache, fatigue, nausea, dizziness or insomnia. If any of these symptoms occur, it is important to seek medical advice. EFT should not be used as a replacement for professional medical care or psychological counseling. It is also important to be aware that the use of EFT can bring up old traumas or negative memories that may have been suppressed for years. It is best to proceed slowly and take extra precautions if you find yourself in this situation so that you can work through your feelings in a safe and healthy way. Practicing EFT on a regular basis can help to reduce anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions, as well as promote physical healing. With its growing popularity, more research is being done into the effectiveness of EFT for various conditions, and the results are promising. If you’re looking for an effective way to manage stress or improve your overall mental health, give EFT a try! Where to Find EFT P ractitioners Finding a licensed practitioner for EFT can help to ensure that you are getting the most out of your practice. Look for certified practitioners through organizations like the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP), or search online directories such as FindaTapper.com and MindBodyGreen. Additionally, many local yoga studios and wellness centers offer classes or workshops on EFT. When looking for a practitioner, it's important to find someone you feel comfortable with and whose qualifications match your needs. Be sure to read reviews and check out the practitioner’s credentials before booking an appointment. Conclusion EFT is a powerful tool that can be used to reduce stress and anxiety, cope with difficult emotions, and promote emotional freedom. With consistent practice, you may find yourself feeling more balanced, calm, and in control – no matter what life throws at you! With regular practice, EFT can help to promote a more positive state of mind, increased self-awareness, and improved well-being. Try it today to see the impact EFT can have on your life. So why not give it a try? It could just be the thing you need to make your life more balanced. This article is for informational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Please seek medical attention if you have any concerns or questions about your health.

Breast cancer is not just one disease—it can be classified into different types of breast cancer depending on how the cells in the breast appear on a microscopic level. The following are all types of breast cancer: 1. Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) : DCIS is considered a non-invasive form of breast cancer, meaning it is limited to the milk ducts and has not spread into any surrounding normal tissue. 2. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC): This is the most common type of breast cancer, accounting for 70% to 80% of all breast cancers, where cancer cells have invaded the surrounding tissue. 3. Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) : Inflammatory Breast Cancer is a type of breast cancer considered to be aggressive and is often difficult to diagnose because it does not always form a lump. 4. Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS) : LCIS is considered a non-invasive type of breast cancer, meaning the cancer cells are contained within the lobules and have not spread to surrounding normal tissue. 5. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC): Invasive Lobular Carcinoma is a type of cancer that starts in the milk-producing lobules and can spread into other parts of the breast. 6. Mucinous Carcinoma : This type of breast cancer is slow-growing and is often found in older women. Mucinous Carcinoma is rare and widely considered to be less aggressive than other forms of breast cancer. 7. Metaplastic Breast Cancer : This rare form of breast cancer can be aggressive, but treatment options are often effective. 8. Angiosarcoma : Angiosarcoma is a rare form of breast cancer and can occur in any part of the body, but it is most commonly found in the breast tissue. 9. Phyllodes Tumor : Phyllodes is a type of breast tumor that is not considered cancerous, but it can still be dangerous if not treated promptly. 10. Paget's Disease: This is a rare form of breast cancer that starts in the nipple and can spread to other parts of the breast if left untreated. Download the Free PDF: Questions to Ask Your Surgeon Download the NCCN guidelines To learn more, the National Comprehensive Cancer Network provides updated guidelines on the different breast cancer types, may start in the milk duct, how tumor cells may affect surrounding breast tissue and connective tissues, the lymphatic vessels, and therapies that can be used to treat the tumor cells. Download the NCCN guidelines for: Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) Invasive Breast Cancer (IBC) Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC)

By Rod Ritchie Although men have breast tissue, not many people understand that they can get breast cancer too. Any man diagnosed with this disease will tell you the blank looks they get trying to explain a diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer. So, what are the myths and facts about male breast cancer? Let’s take a look at some of the most common ones I have encountered throughout my experience with male breast cancer. Myth 1: Breast cancer affects only women. Fact: Breast cancer occurs mainly in women, but men can get it, too — this disease is genderless. The American Cancer Society estimates in the US in 2020 about 2,620 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed and approximately 520 men will die from breast cancer. (1) Myth 2: Affected men must have a genetic predisposition to get breast cancer. Fact: No, this is only true in around 6% of BRCA2 cases. (2) In these cases, as with women, BRCA1 and BRCA2 , and mutations in CHEK2, PTEN, and PALB2 genes might be responsible for some breast cancers in men. Although certain risk factors may increase a man’s chances of developing breast cancer, in many cases the cause of most male breast cancers is unknown. (3) If there is a strong family history of breast cancer (in men or women), ovarian cancer, pancreatic cancer, and/or prostate cancer genetic testing might be recommended to determine risk. (4) Myth 3: Male and female breast cancers are the same. Fact: False. Men carry a higher mortality than women do, primarily because awareness among men is less and they are less likely to assume a lump is breast cancer, which may cause a delay in diagnosis and treatment. (5) Myth 4: Because the disease is so rare, a man with breast cancer has no risk of developing breast cancer again. Fact: False. Men with a history of breast cancer may be at risk to develop breast cancer again and need continued monitoring with a physical exam in order to manage their breast cancer. (6) Myth 5: Treatment is the same for male breast cancer and has been well studied. Fact: Several approaches to blocking the effects of estrogen or lowering estrogen levels are used to treat breast cancer in women. Although many of these may work in men as well, they often haven’t been studied well, if at all. To date, tamoxifen is the best-studied hormone drug for breast cancer in men and is most often used first. (7) Myth 6: First-degree male relatives of men diagnosed with breast cancer don’t need to be aware of their risks. Fact: False. Since DNA is inherited, both male and female family members must be made aware of their risks as having one of these inherited gene changes might affect their chances of getting breast and other certain cancers. (8) Myth 7: An annual public screening program for all men would be a good idea. Fact: False. Because the disease is rare in men, there is unlikely to be any benefit in screening men for breast cancer with mammograms or other tests. Men who are at an increased risk for breast cancer should discuss genetic counseling and testing and other ways to reduce their risk with their doctor. (9) Myth 8: Male breast cancer has no symptoms. False. Possible symptoms of male breast cancer may include: (10) A lump or swelling, which is often (but not always) painless Skin dimpling or puckering Nipple retraction (turning inward) Redness or scaling of the nipple or breast skin Discharge from the nipple Myth 9: There is no difference in male breast cancer outcomes between ethnic groups. Fact: False. As with Black women, Black men have lower survival rates. (12) Myth 10: Breast cancer survival rates for men and women are the same. Fact: False. In recent years, male breast cancer patients have had worse survival outcomes compared with those of female patients. (12) Patient advocacy for male breast cancer Men living with this disease are coming out and rejecting the shame and embarrassment of being diagnosed with a so-called women’s disease. Many of us are active patient advocates for our brothers and sisters with breast cancer. In the United States, alone, around 2,620 men are diagnosed annually, and over 500 will die from breast cancer. (1) Help us spread the word: breast cancer is a genderless disease! Learn More: Resources for Male Breast Cancer Patients Genderless Breast Cancer Research The Stigma Surrounding Male Breast Cancer Becoming a Patient Advocate References: American Cancer Society. Key Statistics for Breast Cancer in Men. Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer-in-men/about/key-statistics.html . Accessed on September 16 2020. American Cancer Society. Risk Factors for Breast Cancer in Men. Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer-in-men/causes-risks-prevention/risk-factors.html . Accessed on September 16, 2020. BreastCancer.org. The Risk Factors for Male Breast Cancer. Available at: https://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/male_bc/risk . Accessed on September 16, 2020. American Cancer Society. Can Breast Cancer in Men Be Found Early? Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer-in-men/detection-diagnosis-staging/detection.html . Accessed on September 16, 2020. National Breast Cancer Foundation Inc. Male Breast Cancer. Available at: https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/male-breast-cancer . Accessed on September 16, 2020. Cancer.net. Breast Cancer in Men: Follow-up Care and Monitoring. Available at: https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/breast-cancer-men/follow-care-and-monitoring . Accessed on September 16, 2020. Ref Cancer.org. Hormone Therapy for Breast Cancer in Men. Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer-in-men/treating/hormone-therapy.html . Accessed on September 16, 2020. Breastcancer.org. The Risk Factors for Male Breast Cancer. Available at: https://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/male_bc/risk . Accessed on September 16, 2020. American Cancer Society. Genetic Counseling and Testing for Breast Cancer Risk. Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer/risk-and-prevention/genetic-testing.html . Accessed on September 16, 2020. American Cancer Society. Breast Cancer Signs and Symptoms. Available at: https://www.cancer.org/cancer/breast-cancer/about/breast-cancer-signs-and-symptoms.html . Accessed on September 16, 2020. Cancer.net. Breast Cancer in Men: Statistics. Available at: https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/breast-cancer-men/statistics . Accessed on September 16, 2020. National Cancer Institute. After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis, Men May Be More Likely to Die than Women. Available at: https://www.cancer.gov/news-events/cancer-currents-blog/2019/male-breast-cancer-higher-mortality . Accessed on September 16, 2020. Author bio: Rod Ritchie is a Sydney-born writer, internet publisher, and breast cancer patient activist, living with breast and prostate cancers. Currently, he’s NED for both. He’s President, Board of Directors, Male Breast Cancer Global Alliance, has a website at MaleBC.org and you can follow him on Twitter @malefitness . His articles for Health Union can be found here . SurvivingBreastCancer.org Resources & Support: Podcast Weekly Meetup s Free Events

By Dawn Oswald I choose to live I choose to fight this battle I choose to survive I am the survivor I continue to survive I am surviving this terminal illness, this death sentence I choose to wake up I choose to smell the roses and watch the birds fly I am the survivor, the warrior I am the wonder women I choose to have faith, hope, and to love It is a battle, but a battle I will win I choose to continue to fight I stare you death in the eyes I choose to live, to be free I choose to take my medicine to stay alive I choose to drink my cocktail of poison I drink the wine, beer and even take a shot or 2 I choose to have fun, laugh and to smile I choose to ask for help, to speak up for myself I choose you: my family and friends I dear you to choose life over death and fight for you For you to love, to live, to laugh I choose to cry, scream, and be depressed I dear you to find what makes you happy again I choose to survival You can choose whatever you want I choose life to the end You are too a survivor, choose to survive I choose me I choose you I choose forgiveness I choose this life I choose to be a survivor For life and everything around me is my choice

By William Laferriere Here I lie Waste deep in a emotional trough Feelings turn to horror, fear, and anger Somehow resembling Edvard Munch’s monumental work “The Scream” But this flick has no denouement It may comprise a word or a sustained, high-pitched sound. It may build slowly, as a tectonic plate shifts It may slide forward, a Tsunami It may glide like Antarctica’s Lambert Glacier But it too shall come And I’ll scream for myself And all those of my sacred, scarred Community Breasts removed, our bodies torn asunder Is there value in our appearance? Can we be loved, nurtured, held intimately? Will someone always love us? But what is love? What is intimacy? How does it work? Who can be involved? Will someone ever hold me again, reach out and clasp my hand? I just want to scream

By William Laferriere What does it entail? How can I possibly do so? I’ve just been diagnosed. My first thoughts involve panic. My next thoughts are dark. I hear it’s a skill I can develop. It starts with the ability to speak up for myself. Surely I know myself best. I trust myself. I’ll do my due diligence. I know that no one is perfect I’ll be persistent. And ask lots of questions. I’ll take notes. I’ll never give up. My medical records are “mine”. I’ll not invite or allow unwelcome people from entering my medical circle. I’ll know my rights. I’ll make educated decisions about which doctors, And which procedures I prefer. If by chance I’m unhappy with my medical team- I’ll speak up I’ll seek a second opinion. I’ll know what the tests are for, And why I need them. And ask when I can expect my results. I’ll ask about alternatives, And whether or not this treatment will truly benefit me. Same for medications. I’ll ask of; And know the side effects, And whether another medication may be available and offer better outcomes. I’ll learn to read my invoices, And know the costs, And ask questions if something appears wrong. I’m committed. I’ll definitely learn to ask, And to speak up as a Self Advocate.

By William Laferriere I kissed him goodbye at the train station and boarded the 8pm Acela to New York. I was alone. I was by myself. The aisle seat next to me empty. It was just me alone with my thoughts headphones plugged to distract. My window reflection stared back at me. My heart raced as the train slowly departed South Station. I was somehow doing it. I was going to visit my brother for the weekend as planned. 48 hours prior I was packing my bags, excited for all of the restaurants, museums and city life As One should be. The only difference now was that I knew I had cancer. I thought of him. And our good bye embrace. He knew that I had cancer. He insisted I stay on plan. No one else knew, not even the strangers that took up residence in the seat beside me. I couldn’t mouth the words They were swimming in my head like a tornado, a whirlwind, a funnel that refused to drain. I could see the words. I heard the nurse’s voice as she verbalized them over the phone. But I couldn’t believe them. Cancer was floating above my ability to make sense of it all to grasp the term to realize what was happening. Literally, before that phone call I didn’t know that I had cancer even though malignant cells were thriving inside me. The power of knowing changes everything! The revolving door of strangers ushered on and off the train. It seemed that at every stop a new person would throw his bag under the seat and plop down beside me. Some placed their luggage overhead. Others took out sandwiches. I was numb. I was not hungry. I was curious to ask them where they were headed and try to make small talk - but I had no words. I buried myself deep into an oversized hoodie and sobbed silently. Summoning the courage, I went onto YouTube to watch a video about breast cancer. From professional clips produced by hospitals to 3D renderings of videos demonstrating how cancer cells divide and spread, I found myself in a click hole, fascinated by what I was watching. It was an out of body experience listening to doctors talk about it. It was factual, scientific, and to the point. The tears stopped. As the clicks continued I found it wasn’t the medical explanation I was looking for; it wasn’t until I came across a homemade video that brought me to a jaw dropping halt. She lifted her shirt. I saw the drains. She unfastened her surgical bra and peeled away the bandages. I saw the scars. Then it hit me.

By Dawn Oswald You are my 4 lovely roses As the petals of the roses fall on the ground It is not the end but the beginning of your life adventures The first petal falling represents your life I planned that seed years ago I watered you I feed you I cloth you I gave you life I watched you grow I heard your first words I saw your first steps I even heard your first cuss word I watched you get on the school bus for the very first time I took you to your practices I bandage you up when you were hurt I helped you through your sprains, strains, and surgeries I took you to school plays and church functions As you entered middle school, I watched you grow more and more each day I bought you bigger clothes as you grew I bought you that puppy you had to have As you entered high school, I helped you overcome your nerves You stayed strong and brave, I taught you well I bought you that first car and taught you how to drive- what was I thinking? I bought you, your first prom dress, how beautiful you were I was there for you all the way Through the peer pressures of life You all made me so proud, you all 4 graduated from high school As the petal continued to fall you continued to grow and warm my heart For you are my children I love you I need you I gave you the bases of life I guided your spirits early in life I saw you grow with God You are blessed my children You have me and I have you For I am here for all of you I will always be here for you, even after I am gone For you are my roses, a rose of life, my children May the petals of the rose keep falling as you grow I am proud of you joining the marines I am proud of you getting your first job I am proud of you for going to college and/or trade school How you tried the military, but realized your health and well being is more important The fact you tried is what is important Proud you got accepted I am proud of all my 4 roses I am so happy you have your own children I am a proud grandparent Now I can watch your seeds grow I look forward to the rest of my life to watch you all grow and shape your own lives As your mother I am so proud of you Continue to grow and continue to let your petals fall

By Laura and William The emotions and the fear stabbed deeply Through the numbness of shock and disbelief. The pain curled me up into a ball My knees tucked into my chest, My hoodie pulled down over my head I sobbed, realizing that this was to be me. My search terms on YouTube spiraled from “what is breast cancer” to “milking the drains”; “the iron bra”; “expanders and reconstruction”. Terms that were not part of my vocabulary, Once again, the power of knowing - it changes everything! I couldn’t pull myself away from the stories of these young women. I wanted to watch more, learn more, hear more, Follow their experiences, find a connection. On my four and a half hour train ride to New York, I watched every video I could, Somberly noticing there weren’t many. The same YouTubers would appear in my search list I had exhausted new terms and keywords. I remember the epiphany. A singular moment, sitting on my couch in Boston, My bestie beside me, as I clicked “post” onto Facebook. I was going to tell the world I had breast cancer. That I was diagnosed at 34. That I was vegan with no family history, nor genetic pre-disposition. That I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was looking to take the community along for the ride. Creating amateur YouTube videos allowed me to Speak to my experience, and helped me to process. I was able to share my experiences in real time; The day I lost my hair. My first infusion Having my port get infected Needing intravenous chemotherapy Explaining a full auxiliary node dissection Surgery hacks I wish I had known about Crawling your fingers up the wall Describing cording and lymphedema Getting my first radiation tattoos Skin irritations and radiation burns Putting myself out there, exposed to all.

By Anonymous Has my body become an impure vessel? Contaminated, polluted, tainted, weakened? Or have I come whole again? Unadulterated, unalloyed, ultra pure? Has surgery, chemotherapy and radiation Altered the chemical balance That ultimately manifests itself In my very essence? I refuse to think of myself as tainted, diluted or thinned, Instead I’d rather enjoy the thought of a fine restoration, Enabling me to overcome the gnarly essence of Malignancy. For who am I to become? Don’t I have the most input? Going forward, thinking it through Am I enough? Shall I reach out and offer myself To a community in need, Or re-situate within the comfort And confines of myself? The answer is contained above.

By Anonymous Thoughts while rustling through newly fallen oak & maple leaves Alas it’s Autumn in full swing The Maples and Oaks Deliberately abandoning their foliage The air is cool, crisp, inviting. I meander through the fallen leaves Struck by their elegance Their Grace, their complexity Their significance. Once green and majestic Taking in the sun’s light Synthesizing foods From water and carbon dioxide. I contemplate the science of Photosynthesis And how they use chlorophyll to Generate the oxygen we breathe without a thought. Newly brown, and other assorted fading colors Lying on the ground Randomly joining hands Their work is not finished. I quickly recall Frost And his epical Stopping By Woods His words “lovely, dark and deep And miles to go before I sleep."

By William Laferriere Often times we feel an ungodly weight upon our shoulders And it becomes so unbearable. That through a worldwide pandemic We’ve allowed our societies to be So very divisive and loathsome. That so many women are diagnosed Or die daily from a heinous BC Dx. That grifting, lawlessness, and corruption Quickly displaces civil norms. That caring for one another Becomes a sign of weakness. That every man for himself as modus operandi Takes hold front and center. That we can’t even agree On the message of the many holy books. Dead Stop! But through the darkened lens of the above One can scratch below the surface And uncover random acts of caring. And unbiased support Available to all That comes without a price tag. That there exists a line of positivity Below the gradations of despair That all, regardless of race, creed, bank account or culture Can see the light of justice prevailing. That there is hope There is intimacy There is love There is kindness, and respect. There is…