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How to Tackle Cancer Like a Navy SEAL: Crushing the Negative Self-Talk to Survive

Surviving Breast Cancer
Jun 11
4 min read

By Cara Lockwood

After I was diagnosed with HER+ breast cancer in 2023, I knew the journey forward would change me — but I never imagined how much. My therapist told me I’d have a choice between becoming a victim or being a survivor. That road to survivor was hard, involved lots of crying in the shower and pleading with the universe, and also required learning some hard truths about myself.

Like nearly every woman I know, I play a loop of negative thoughts that runs in my brain at any given time. I’m an award-winning USA Today bestseller of more than 35 romance novels published by Simon and Schuster, Harlequin, St. Martin’s Press, and Hachette over the last 25 years — and yet I suffer imposter syndrome all the time. Terrible, awful thoughts like: No one is going to read your new book. Sure, your first book was made into a movie, but did anyone even see it? No one wants your stories. You’re not good enough.

This playlist ran alongside other ones, like: You aren’t pretty enough. You’re not skinny enough. You’re not sexy enough. You’re not… enough.

I let these mean thoughts, fueled by insecurity, run unchecked through my head. They’re constantly in the background, like hold music on a customer service line. But when cancer hit, a new round of negativity began to play: Everyone says you’ve got this, but you 100% do not have this. You’re not strong enough for this. You’re not brave enough. You’re not going to make it.

And on, and on, and… on. And I just let it play. Researchers say we can actually talk to ourselves at a speed equivalent to 4,000 words a minute in our heads, and I’ll be honest: Most of those words in my head were negative. Passive aggressive. Critical.

Even under the barrage of criticism, I worked hard to get ready for my double mastectomy. I began eating right. Exercising more. I channeled my anxiety about the surgery into being more active. I went to a therapist. I did some hard mental and emotional work on her couch. I did all the hard things to prepare for the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

And… you know what? I came out of that surgery with flying colors. I had a complication-free recovery. I made it. And, in the days after that surgery, I gave myself a genuine compliment. I told myself: “You did a good job. You were brave. You did the hard work and it paid off.”

I gave myself an honest pat on the back. No caveats, no snide side comments. No buts. No exceptions. Just a good job. Period.

And I immediately began crying. Big ol’ shoulder-wracking sobs.

Because I realized up until that point in my life, I don’t think I’d ever given myself a genuine compliment. Backhanded ones? Sure. Like, Congrats on making the USA Today bestseller list. It’s not the New York Times, but whatever. Or Oh? You gave birth. Twice? Good for you. Except you have no idea how to soothe this crying baby. You’re useless!

There was always a snide side comment to every compliment I ever gave myself. Every. Single. Time.

It was then that I realized how mean I’d been to myself my entire life. Cruel, even. Unfair. I’d never say these things in my head out loud to anyone ever. I’d never be that mean to a living soul. But I was regularly that horrible to myself.

I’d been living in an emotionally abusive relationship with myself and never even knew it.

I read that before a big mission, Navy SEALs train themselves to keep a constant stream of positive-self talk going because they know that when times get tough, the last enemy they want to be fighting on the battlefield is themselves.

They put their lives on the line in dangerous missions all the time, where they’re tested mentally and physically, and they know how important positive thinking is. How dangerous negative self-talk can be. And this made me realize that up until my double mastectomy, I’d been fighting cancer all wrong.

I’d been a house divided against itself. There’d been a civil war raging in my head about whether or not I’d actually beat cancer. I’d looked for any reason I could to blame myself for the cancer. I’d gained weight. I’d not eaten right. I liked wine too much. I was a little late getting that mammogram. I never gave up Red Dye 40 because I can’t quit Twizzlers or Doritos.

The treatments the doctors prescribed probably wouldn’t work on me, I told myself. The odds wouldn’t be in my favor, even when doctors said they would be.

I challenged everything because I thought this was how I could motivate myself. That if I criticized myself I’d work harder. Be better. But I wasn’t motivating myself at all. I was beating myself down faster than the cancer could.

So I decided to challenge that negative playlist in my head anytime it started to play. No longer would I Iet it auto repeat. I decided, genuinely, to show myself the kindness I so often showed others in my life.

And I think this helped me kick cancer. I went into remission in 2024. And positive self-talk is still paying dividends in my life as a survivor, too. Studies show that you can reap all kinds of benefits from positive self-talk. Positivity may lead to longer life spans, less stress, and even better cardiovascular health.

I give myself genuine compliments all the time now, and it feels amazing. I don’t kick myself when I’m down. I allow myself some grace when I’m a messy human who makes mistakes.

I believe it’s made all the difference, both in my fight to end cancer and in the life I live afterward. Because being a survivor doesn’t just mean to live. It means to thrive. And that’s what I plan to do from here on out.