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By Abigail Johnston I love the holidays. The family togetherness, the food, the exchanges of gifts, the celebration of what God has given us and the sacrifice of His Son, it’s all magical to me. Of course having my birthday in the mix, on the Winter Solstice, is also something to look forward to every year, but don’t get me started on the whole Santa thing. I literally start planning for the following Christmas in January each year when it comes to gifts and I’m always on the lookout for the perfect gift for the people on my list, which grows and grows every year much to my husband’s chagrin. That the end of the year culminates in getting to see people happy about what I’ve selected, that’s the highlight for me. Since 2017, when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC), I’ve started to see holidays differently. I vividly recall the first celebrations following my diagnosis when I struggled with both wanting to go overboard in making memories and also wanting to simply withdraw from everything. The thought that this holiday, this birthday, this celebration, this time, this will be the last time, is always in the back of my mind. I still find myself staring at the people I love, during holidays or otherwise, trying to memorize their faces, fixing the memories in my brain so … what? So that I will remember after I die? My logical brain asserts itself and is pretty scornful of this fanciful notion that my efforts mean anything. Does me fixing this point in time in my memory mean anything now? I’ll be the one leaving a chair empty at the table at a time in the not so distant future. What does it matter whether there is a celebration this year or next when any one of them will be my last? Sometimes I think my logical brain is a bit bitchy or maybe just angry. No, I don’t have multiple personalities, but it helps me to cast these ambivalent feelings as actual characters with different points of view to better make sense of the whole. This living with two contradictory ideas/feelings at once is confusing. I’m alive, yet dying, happy, yet intensely sad, in excruciating pain, yet content, horribly nauseous, yet hungry for the mouth watering food, smiling, yet yearning for my bed. I have to carry all of these contradictory urges all at once. It can be exhausting. I ruminate over what my kids will remember and then frantically take pictures to preserve what I think is important. I secret away notes and letters and keepsakes, knowing logically that my boys likely won’t fully grasp their significance. I talk to all the people who I think need to know something about what I want after I’m gone, knowing full well I’m the one who cares about these things, not others. How do you reconcile wanting to celebrate and be present with the very real fear that you will be erased, replaced, become irrelevant in the lives of those you care about the most? This anticipatory grief amongst the very real festivities of the holidays is mind boggling/numbing/blowing. There are people in my life who have pulled back from me or created conflicts to separate themselves from me because of this, I think. Everyone deals with anticipatory grief in different ways. Courage requires one response, safety another. What you choose reveals something. What I choose reveals something. What results becomes a legacy of intimacy created by opportunities taken or separation because of opportunities missed. How many more opportunities can there be? And that’s all before we add COVID-19 into the mix. I talk to others living with MBC who are contemplating risking exposure and likely death from COVID-19 in light of the fact that due to our truncated life expectancy, this holiday season may well be our last. How do you weigh all the risks/benefits when attempting to make decisions amongst so many unknowns? Absent a crystal ball (and I need one of those), I think we have to make the best decisions with what we have to work with, right now. I think we have to focus on the knowns to make decisions, not make ourselves crazy with attempting to contemplate the unknowns. I think we have to be able to take responsibility for the things we can influence and just pitch the rest. Not an easy task. So not an easy task. I have discovered that to feel settled about my plans and my decisions, I do have to shrink my level of care for those around me to the ones who matter the most. Those who I have genuine connections to; those who are focused on making memories with me. That means I have to let go of many of the defaults of years past, not an easy thing. That means I have to be more picky and more intentional and more settled (i.e., not running around with a million projects) to be able to have the emotional capacity to focus on what matters most. These decisions are fraught with so many pitfalls and worries and feelings, present and past. It is a struggle and causes often sleepless nights in the lead up to the holidays; however, I know that when I put in some work to think this through rather than going with the flow, the holidays contain the people and elements that matter most to me in the end.

This weekend, as you head out to the grocery stores to stock up on Thanksgiving delights, your shopping list will most likely contain the traditional provisions: turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, creamy green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie... By all means, Thanksgiving is about the traditions we’ve formed around the table. Don’t get me wrong, I always look forward to splurging on my aunt Minnie’s chocolate chip cookies and helping myself to seconds (let's be real, even thirds) helpings of the thanksgiving feast. This year, I wanted to share some new ideas for how we can celebrate the holidays with a healthy spin as we continue to fuel our bodies and steel them against breast cancer! First, let’s look at the science behind a healthy diet: Data is emerging from the American Institute for Cancer Research that a plant-based diet can lower the risk of breast cancer, particularly for those tumors that are not fueled by hormones. The big winners of a plant based diet are fruits and veggies high in beta-carotene like -Yams -Tomatoes, -Bell peppers, -Grapefruit and -Cantaloupe as well as cruciferous vegetables which are nutrient rich in vitamins C, E, K, minerals and offer good fiber such as -Cauliflower, -Collard greens, -Kale, -Turnips, -Rutabaga, and -Radishes. But can food really be thy medicine ? YES! And that is because of the magic that happens inside our bodies after we enjoy a meal. For example these cruciferous vegetables provide sulfur-containing compounds, called glucosinolates. During the digestion process (i.e., the magic) the glucosinolates become active compounds that not only prevent the growth of cancerous cells but can encourage the body to destroy cancer cells! According to the NCI, these compounds help prevent cancer in the following ways: They help protect cells from DNA damage. They help inactivate carcinogens. They have antiviral and antibacterial effects. They have anti-inflammatory effects. They induce cell death (apoptosis). They inhibit tumor blood vessel formation (angiogenesis) and tumor cell migration (needed for metastasis). Ok, so now onto the yummy stuff! This Thanksgiving should definitely be the one where you have fun and play around with some delicious plant-based entrees and sides, not only because of the salmonella outbreak in turkey this year, but reaping all of the benefits from a whole-food plant based diet to assist in kicking cancer's butt. Imagine after your thanksgiving meal being refreshed and energized instead of cozying up on the couch for a nap and football! After clicking through Pinterest and some of my favorite blogs, I am excited to share with you what William and I will be cooking up: Click on the links below for recipes: Green Beans and Fennel with Tarragon Pumpkin Curry Soup Mushroom Vegan Loaf Roasted Brussel Sprouts Maple Brown Butter Sweet Potatoes Warm Kale and Apple Salad Roasted mashed turnips with garlic Honey Roasted Carrots

This is a story about my mom. A story of love. A story changed by breast cancer, but not defined by it. My mom was my best friend. She was the only person who could encourage me to tape together the homework I had just ripped up. The only person who always asked me how my day was… multiple times a day. She was the person who sang ‘You Are My Sunshine’ each and every morning. And, she was the person who spent exactly three minutes with me before going to bed, unless she fell asleep in bed with me, which was my favorite, and she never ever left the room without saying ‘I love you.’ Like everything she did, my mom dealt with breast cancer the way she handled the rest of her life - with grace, style, and elegance. She didn’t let cancer define her, so I don’t let it define my story of her. My mom, Maureen, was diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant with my little sister, Katelyn. It was late 2003. Katelyn was born in April of 2004, when I was only two years old. Whether in active treatment or in remission, the cancer lurked within my mom. Everything felt normal… up until August of 2014. Across the span of those ten years, between 2004 and 2014, there were a few times where I was very confused, wondering if she would be okay. I was especially confused when she went home after a doctor's appointment instead of going back to work. I was curious when she put on extra mascara because she was losing her eyebrows. It was always strange when we would visit her at the hospital after a surgery. However, even with all those confusing moments along the way, there was always a ‘good morning sunshine,’ my three minutes, and ending the day with an ‘I love you.’ Those moments were the normal moments, and the things I truly remember. I remember her picking me up early from school to go to the library, taking us to the farmers’ market on Saturday mornings, playing two squares with my little sister in our driveway, making cinnamon rolls for us on Sunday morning before church, and so much more. 6 years. 7 months. 29 days. That was the last time I heard my mom say ‘I love you, Kyla.’ I didn’t know that this would be the last time I would hear those words. It was just another Monday. I still remember looking through the passenger window, jumping out of our Honda Odyssey, and waving to my mom. Seconds before, we were making plans for my mom and dad to pick me up after school to go get dinner before I had to be back for my volleyball game. It was normal. Like every afternoon, I would blow up my parents’ phones asking where they were and when they were going to pick me up. But instead of a text, I got a call from my dad. He said that he and my mom were right around the corner at the hospital. I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t realize that was going to be the last time she drove me to school. That it was going to be the last time I saw her smile. That it was going to be the last time I heard her laugh. The last time she would watch me play volleyball via FaceTime in her hospital room. October 20th, 2014 was a day of lasts. October 21st, 2014 was the day my mom’s life stopped, and mine continued. October 21st, 2014 was a day of firsts, new firsts, and lonely firsts. One by one, the firsts unfolded - my first Halloween without her, my first Thanksgiving without her, and my first Christmas without her. I was numb to everything; even my family. Lying alone in a ball in the middle of my bed wrapped up in the blanket my mom had sewn for me. I just wanted to talk to someone who would understand, but more than that, I wanted to talk to my mom. She is my WHY. She is my sunshine. She is my love story, and I won’t let her love story end. She is why I wanted to create #pinkkids. I wanted to create something larger than my story. A way to remember her. Not my mom with breast cancer, but my mom who lived a purposeful life while dealing with breast cancer. To connect stories. To have a place of true understanding. A way to get out from under my blanket. I didn’t want to talk to counselors. I didn’t want to talk to therapists. I didn’t want to talk to teachers. I didn’t want to talk to my dad. I didn’t think they would understand. I wanted to talk to someone my own age, but I didn’t know anyone who was going through what I was going through. So I kept everything in. And if that is you, then this is the space for you. A space for you to say something as simple as ‘I am scared’ or as complex as ‘My mom just passed away. What should I do?’ Kids supporting kids. Loving each other. Being there for each other. This is our space.

Position: Social Media Manager - Marketing and Community (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter) Hours per week: 10-20, Position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Social Media Manager. The successful candidate will be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to develop and execute a digital marketing strategy with the end goal of increasing followers and engagement across multichannel platforms. We offer a flexible schedule, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside and valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for managing the organizations online social media accounts · Responsible for growing followers, engagement, and collecting email addresses. · Engage with health care professionals and those diagnosed with breast cancer via the various platforms platform · Engage and develop community via our online networks · Promote webinars, events and programs · Solicit blogs, stories, and content for our website and newsletter · Enhance our digital presence on social media while maintaining our brand and voice · Create graphics and content Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable and able to maintain confidentiality Must have strong public speaking skills and enjoy meeting new people Excellent written and verbal communication skills Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and three references to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

Position: Content Writer Hours per week: 10-20, position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Content Writer Intern for a semester with the option of extending. The successful candidate be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in communications, digital media, content marketing, advocacy, and public health. We offer a flexible schedule working remotely, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside while gaining valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for researching health care topics, gathering content and writing articles for publication on our website and for distribution in our weekly newsletter. · Research trending and hot topics related to breast cancer, treatment, and advocacy · Create content for feature landing pages · Collaborate with social media teams to disseminate content and grow survivingbreastcancer.org’s brand and subscriber list. Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must enjoy writing and have strong writing, communication and proof reading skills. · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable and able to maintain confidentiality · Enthusiastic about health care, advocacy, and promoting breast cancer awareness Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and writing sample to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

Position: Podcast Communications Intern (Breast Cancer Conversations Podcast) Hours per week: 10-20, Position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Marketing and Communication’s Intern. The successful candidate will be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in communications, digital media, content marketing, advocacy and public health. We offer a flexible schedule working remotely, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside and valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for the post production of our podcasts which include: o Developing and writing the show notes for weekly episodes o Reviewing and editing transcriptions of weekly podcast episodes o Uploading and publishing podcasts o Creating and disseminating soundbites o Creating graphics and cover art for each episode o Incorporating Search Engine Optimization strategies to ensure our content gets found on google · Collaborate with other interns and volunteers to ensure the podcasts are published to the website, queued up for the weekly newsletter, and promoted on social media outlets Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must enjoy writing and have strong writing, communication and proof reading skills. · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable, meet weekly deadlines, and able to maintain confidentiality · Enthusiastic about health care, advocacy, and promoting breast cancer awareness Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and three references to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

Position: Video Editing & Communications Intern (YouTube) Hours per week: Minimum of 10 hours per week Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Marketing and Communication’s Intern for a semester with the option for renewal. The successful candidate will be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in communications, digital media, content marketing, advocacy and public health. We offer a flexible schedule working remotely, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside and valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for the post production of our webinar · Cut, edit, and create videos for our YouTube channel. · Developing and writing the show notes for weekly webinars · Support the growth strategy and community building strategy of our YouTube channel · Creating and disseminating soundbites · Incorporating Search Engine Optimization strategies to ensure our content gets found on google and on YouTube · Collaborate with other interns and volunteers to ensure the Webinars are published to the website, queued up for the weekly newsletter, and promoted on social media outlets Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must enjoy writing and have strong writing, communication and proof reading skills. · Must have a basic background in video editing · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable, meet weekly deadlines, and able to maintain confidentiality · Enthusiastic about health care, advocacy, and promoting breast cancer awareness Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and three references to William@survivingbreastcancer.org Position is remote, unpaid, part-time.

Position: Program Manager Hours per week: 10-20 Position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Program Manager. The successful candidate will be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in community engagement, sales, healthcare, and advocacy. We offer a flexible schedule, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside and valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for the overall growth and sustainability of a portfolio of programs · Establish partnerships with national hospitals and community health centers · Create and disseminate educational content, brochures, and flyers · Promote program events and webinars with the goal of increasing participation and engagement. Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable and able to maintain confidentiality Must have strong public speaking skills and enjoy meeting new people Excellent written and verbal communication skills Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and three references to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

Position: Program Manager Hours per week: 10-20 Position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Program Manager. The successful candidate will be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in community engagement, sales, healthcare, and advocacy. We offer a flexible schedule, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside and valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: · Responsible for the growth and sustainability our online communities · Engage with community members and foster a supportive online network Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable and able to maintain confidentiality Must have strong public speaking skills and enjoy meeting new people Excellent written and verbal communication skills Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and three references to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

Position: Publications - Marketing & Communications Intern Weekly Newsletters and #FeatureFridays Hours per week: 10-20, position is remote, unpaid, part-time. Job Summary: Our growing non-profit, which is at the intersection of health care, technology, and customer service, would like to bring on a Marketing and Communication’s Intern for a semester with the option of extending. The successful candidate be a driven, ambitious, creative, individual looking to learn on the job and develop skills to excel and create a career in communications, digital media, content marketing, advocacy and public health, and business development. We offer a flexible schedule working remotely, extensive training, and mentorship, as well as the opportunity to experience the industry from the inside while gaining valuable work experience. Responsibilities and Duties: Digital Publications · Responsible for researching topics, gathering content, writing, and distribution of our weekly Friday Feature and Monday Newsletters considering our client’s needs, interests, and hot topics in the health care/breast cancer field. · Responsible for the solicitation, maintenance and delivery of our blog, and breast cancer survivor stories series. · Assist with capturing and analyzing email campaign metrics · Collaborate with social media teams to disseminate content and grow survivingbreastcancer.org’s brand and subscriber list. Team Player: · Take on additional tasks and responsibility as needed Qualifications and Skills: · Must enjoy writing and have strong writing, communication and proof reading skills. · Must be passionate about our cause and our work Must be reliable and able to maintain confidentiality · Enthusiastic about health care, advocacy, and promoting breast cancer awareness Self-directed and able to work without supervision Energetic and eager to tackle new projects and ideas · Must be 18 years or older How to Apply Please send cover letter, resume and writing sample to William@survivingbreastcancer.org

By Veronica Novy When you look at me What do you see? If you could see my inner being what do you think it would look like? I am a fire, I am a flame There has been a torch within me that keeps my fire burning When I think of me, I will tell you what I see I will tell you what I want to be I am lovely to my own eyes I have journeyed to a new level of existence I am beauty, I am desire I can light the fire and put out the flame I am a woman who has struggled for centuries In a world full of images My beauty is self contained and has been locked up for centuries Silently waiting to erupt and escape to freedom The image revealed to the world is sheer strength, noble and righteous The woman that I wish to be in fact in reality has always been here She now seeks an avenue, a pathway, a road that will lead her to the truth Today, this woman is unafraid yet she still trembles with an unknown fear Give her a reason to go on and questions her own existence as well as the norms of culture and society And images What was yesterday, in fact is not true today Yesterdays truth will not lead us to tomorrow The whispers, the echoes, the dreams, and the voices of my sisters past and present Are beggin’ you to come listen And make new choices for tomorrow The woman today is ready for the challenge of today and tomorrow The image of a Woman My image is Black Strong Real Undeniable and beautiful I am free What you see What you feel What you sense what you hear are only fragments which encompass her whole body The image is a total reflection And that reflection is me!!!

By Veronica Novy Here Alone I Sit In My Room Pondering the thoughts of yesterday And wondering how I have existed On the verge of life for so long Here I sit waiting Asking for someone to hear my voice Here I sit and there is nothing left To say to anyone anymore Here Alone I Sit Thinking about my own existence And about survival, my survival As I cling to a world during peacetime But somehow I feel like a foot soldier Knowing that my face hides Love Fear Joy Emotion Tenderness And peace But behind my face there is something lurking in the shadows And its me My righteous self My unpretentious self My black self My woman self Now as I sit here alone I begin to ponder once again I say to myself, Now Aig’t I a Woman? I give myself a high five in the mirror And realize that I couldn’t have gotten from here to there Without a struggle A struggle of the mind Struggle of all the woman in my family Remembering, survival is not for everyone Especially during peacetime! Ponder that. 9/25/96 12:36am

By Veronica Novy If I could look within to see myself As I gravitate everyday Toward becoming the woman that I so desperately wish to be I realize that I have brought myself from there to here in one milliliter of a second That actually felt like an eternity But in fact was the blink of an eye Everyday I search for remnants and fragments to stitch together that one day will Embrace my soul and return me to an earthly woman Who Am I? I know tidbits of who I was yesterday, and can only surrender parts of yesterday to myself for myself For my new self tomorrow Embracing One’s Soul means finding peace within and not conforming to fit someone else notion of Who I should be Embracing myself means caring for me and what I represent and Realizing that every teardrop shed was and is for a reason It is to fill the hearts of my Mothers Mother Mother’s Mother daughter. Embracing my Soul means finding courage and strength in the face of obstacles and danger And not relinquishing any part of me that might leave me a microcosm of Who I am As I surrender at the end of each day I leave it fuller that when I started Wiser for again reckoning with the voice(s) within And more righteous for having the guts to Embrace My Soul. 3/8/98 1:16am

By MJ Lorenzo Routine… No big deal I know the drill Long pause, more pause… Double take, retake. Multiple expressions questionable. They ask for more… Marching orders From here to there Waiting rooms start to feel the same All just poker faces following protocol. The phone rings My heart stops Irregular beats Tunneled sounds A blurred vision Envelops me. The voice on the other end Penetrates the news A maddening repeat Running with tears Uncontrollably… Closed in Worse fear Can’t breathe… …Can’t breathe Stop…just stop I plead through ‘what if’s’… Can I just wake up? Can I go back? Did I get lost somewhere along the way? I stumble And fall hard Feeling so betrayed Anger rises, Confusion is on the other end I went in as one, And now have a team. Consults and decisions Medical terms and options Am I clear on everything? Buffet style choices The load is too heavy I don’t belong here My flesh screams ‘Why me’? Everyone and thing Continues on, continues on As I am left here…frozen. A whirlwind year Of hard transformations Out of the storm I am finally set free. There is a light to my path now I hear no other voices Yet another test waits at the corner. No time to mourn what was lost -A bigger test As the world stumbles can’t breathe-again Can’t. Breathe. A year of loss Followed by more loss… The fear I thought had me I rebuke with promises. Armed with truth My journey is filled with only hope... A great reset I am stronger With every step. You carried me… Through every storm, …You carry me. At my worse Your strength revealed Out of my darkness Your light shines.

By William Laferriere Well now Who’s to say What the cause is, and What contribution did I make And will this get resolved Does it get resolved How What questions need I ask How many chemo drugs will be proffered Which ones will I need Which will produce the desired result Which yield the nastiest side effects What are the percentages Can they work to my advantage Surgery Oh boy More of the same Talk to me about options Please mention all After all It’s my body in the mirror It’s my decision But I need help

By Desiree LeRoy Message alert the scan showed four spots on my lungs i have a biopsy tomorrow he said short of a miracle it is cancer i just want to start the meds and be clear i have a lot of fight in me i replied, you do Message alert it’s weird it blows air into the hospital gown to keep me warm i turned it off cause I was getting sweaty, lol i deflated myself you sent a picture, your head adorned in a hospital beret, your face scared but a familiar silly Message alert i’m nervous but ready to know once they have all the facts they can attack i love you Message alert i haven’t gotten the results back yet but I promise to let you know ASAP any pointers when you choreograph a dance? i kind of scratched out a routine on the plane i need to cut the song i also need to work on my toe fall you sent a picture of the mountains Message alert i got the biopsy results back cancer i have to keep fighting also, can I teach my work friends the hip hop routine you taught me? i gotta try and break it down work it, girl Message alert i have a scan in a few weeks to find out if the treatment is working until then just keepin going Message alert hey can you update the gofundme? it needs to say stage 4 metastatic breast cancer it has now spread to my lungs and brain -- we met after your brain surgery we sipped on chamomile tea melting into your living room laughing all afternoon you asked about donating a box of shampoo to a local shelter our last dinner you shared travel plans filling every month of the year you could barely eat but you still said mmm after every bite tikka masala riches i was scared but your flight schedule held us both our texts, sacred i will never delete your contact our exchanges of life, love, fear, and onward your dance of messages, forever mine herceptin autocorrected to perspective and ibrance autocorrected to vibrance so I’m taking those with me strength remains strength and i refuse to type the word forget Follow Desiree on Instagram: @somaticpoetry

By William Laferriere Brilliant & lustrous Hot blue, corporeal Warrior to the end Once the Amazon star now fiend, and succubus Enamored of Voldemort A true Death Eater Inuit welcomed her Aussie Wardaman sang her glories She beckoned Spring and of course Renewal Friends of Rigel and Betelgeuse Residing on Orion’s enduring belt Illuminating navigational clarity Empowering all to decipher and chart a true bearing Throughout this insidious & calamitous voyage

By Dr. Michelle R. LaFlamme Alfoce Center, the block lettering On the Wall Where I used to work In my long white coat Not that long ago I saw MY patient there, waiting Now I sit with trepidation Cold and tired Arms akimbo Afraid to ask for a blanket Which I used to GIVE and I spied them in their shinny warmer Unreachable Arms up, another scan The Donut of Truth That's what we called it When I was in charge I peered down the hall Saw my old colleagues working They seemed far and hazy And I couldn't reach them even in thought AS I hit the EXIT button And drifted away I realized the line between doctor and patient Is obscure And that I loathe the Waiting Room.

By P. A. Mendelsohn GP: Time for your mammogram. You’ve forgotten to care for yourself. Too busy. Stop. Do it. First Dimension. Radiologist: See that? Like bubble gum on a shoe Dragged across your sultry bosom Loved no more. At war with your complacency. Second Dimension. Surgeon: I got it all. No need to thank me. It's my job. Next. Really, it's gone. Just a little radiation. More prevention. With a lasting shadow Across your lung to remember us by. See you next year. Third Dimension. Spirit. You are loved. You are safe. You are cradled in your fear You are held in your shadow. You are never, never alone. You are ours. We are yours. Just ask. Listen. Breathe. Repeat. Fourth Dimension.

By Reyne M. Husky Getting my cocktails, one moment please From my favorite nurse putting me at ease She connects my port on the count of three Making sure that I’m pain free. ​ I play my ukulele just to pass the time And sing my favorite songs to help me unwind I can go to places, right here in my chair Imaginary friends popping up everywhere. I’m feeling kind of beat, from the chemo meds My hands and feet are turning red Can’t wait, to get home to my bed To sleep off the things, dancing in my head.

By Pooja Jain ​ Hey You...Who me? I am an onion. I keep peeling each layer of my life‘s experiences. I keep learning. ​ Little me, loved to be in the bubble of my family, my friends, my school and my home town. ​ I got stronger at heart. Time came to give my heart away and with that leave my bubble too. ​ This young lady was ready to step in a new home, new country with confidence. For years, I worked hard to make ends meet and I made home a heaven on earth. Then I was ready to welcome a new life in the world. ​ What a bundle of joy my boy is ... My baby boy made me a proud mom. Life was going good. Helping others and being a conscious world citizen. ​ Who knew ? ​ The peeling would now be done with a sharper knife. My body and soul were cut into pieces. A cancer diagnosis followed by a pandemic. Double the trouble .... Double the learning .... One more year has gone by... 365 days of peeling and learning. The pain equals gain ... The more layers I peel The more I learn. The more I get closer to nothing I ask ... is that nothing... everything?

By William Laferriere Out damn spot exclaimed the iniquitous Lady M In William’s foremost tale her fears well accounted for And the psychological toll knavishly awaiting all Out damn spot Out damn spot fill those diagnosed dreams A metastasizing growth proves every bit as daunting As the Lady M’s infamous lament so we too think, walk and talk about Out damn spot Out damn spot when the Lady somehow manages To fall into a fitful sleep she’s plagued by the nightmare Of blood and death on her hands her dreams too are made of iron and steel Out damn spot Out damn spot she rubs her hands And tries to erase “here’s yet a spot” she laments “The small of blood still” she cries out in desperation Out damn spot Out damn spot the grief, the guilt Sleep no more becomes the haunt and what is to become Of the life we so anticipated the anatomy of grief prevails Out damnable spot

By Ilene Kaminsky For Melissa Blank and Ben North Lasting longer than the rest The final poet stood up Amidst thousands of books Burned down around her feet Now ashes to ashes, now complete. Dust to dust sunrise to dusk She asked the gods to slip Into her mind what she couldn’t find Descriptions, colors, thoughts Flowers she’s never seen, people she May never meet. And instead of bursting into flame The room cried a storm of tears And their ashes washed away down to the street Where they sunk into the earth Melting the soil leaving only The voices behind with her to hold. Yet only the words “death” And “afraid” And “cancer” Came instead. She cried out loud “You don’t even know me, yet you defend me.” Pleading,”please. Give me back my words, please.” Their brilliant brains battered them. Now in their silence and rest, The fates leaving her alone to give some reason. Resonance of what happens now, What do we do today Now they’ve gone away. A child asks these stupid things Adults respond without a clue Nothing to say, less they can do. Yet, She persisted and insisted on their behalf. It’s no good, to herself again Another crumpled page atop The mountain piled high. That night she sat Opening and straightening and reading But throwing each into the stove. Her words cremated and remain forever unheard. Her heart beat hard in her chest Under the thousand pounds of weight. She’d heard a ton of stones Weighs exactly the same as a Ton of feathers, Rocks kill quick While feathers from an unseen bird Float into her mouth taking her breath and Slowly suffocating the poetess. The world turned again And written in her hand the morning after She picked up the papers reading Only “death” and “fear” and “cancer” Not one the right answer. The poem, it’s complete Yet one simple question remained Unanswerable. What’s there to gain By knowledge, here anyway? But why choose me? In her head a baritone voice said: “You tell me why.” And then she did.

By Dawn Oswald As I stare into the blue waves, I fear nothing The beautiful blue waves take all my thoughts away Away the cancer goes That little bit of time I stare into those blue waves I am a peace I am beautiful I am strong I can do anything O beautiful blue waves stay with me forever so I can be at peace Is it possible? Yes, When you are down take a deep breathe and remember me- the blue waves Dream of them and let them take away your pain For I am here to wave at you Just breathe and think of the blue waves Stare into that space and think of the beautiful blue waves Let your thoughts go Let it take your cancer away Stare Stare into the blue waves and fear nothing

By Brookshire McDonald I once wrote an essay Entitled my three “tits”. Now I am inspired to write A poem to “it”. Most of you are quite aware Breast cancer I had in my two Which has made me express More compassion and love for you. This year marks cancer anniversary Of number seventeen. Through each of those I have been blessed During the days in between. You are in my prayers every night Of the week, As on your journey Peace you do seek. To have found a new asset Of awareness of others Has been a true blessing From my sisters and brothers. I am grateful beyond all of this In my life That I didn’t have the third “tit” To bring me added strife!